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Mind-Blindness, Cassandra Syndrome, and Neurodiverse Relationships

KopiKestrel

Hi everyone,

(I also posted this on reddit. I'm trying to find an autistic community that I can feel safe having these conversations)

I'm hoping to get your thoughts on the ideas of mind-blindness and Cassandra Syndrome. How have you successfully navigated these challenges in a relationship? 

I'm struggling to find constructive ways forward with my partner because of conflicting information we're finding online. My partner is finding resources and articles that directly contradict both my lived experience as an autistic person and the guidance I'm receiving from my therapist.

I'm hoping to hear your advice on how you've successfully navigated these challenges and pushed back against harmful stereotypes. The core conflicts we keep running into boil down to two specific ideas:

  • The assumption that autistic individuals have fundamentally different emotional and relational needs compared to non-autistic people (e.g. less emotional needs).
  • The idea that Cassandra Syndrome is an experience exclusively limited to the non-autistic partner.

I want to be perfectly clear: The pain caused by communication differences in a neurodiverse relationship affect both partners. The problem is that these false assumptions perpetuate harmful stereotypes that only increase the pain.

For context, here are some of the types of online sources that I believe are disseminating misleading information:

Parents

  • I'm not familiar with the conditions you mention, but I've been in enough relationships where poor comunication has been a huge factor, but then so has being ignored, or asked what I'd like to do for my birthday and then be told we're doing almost the exact opposite!

    I don;t think I've ever knowingly been in a relationship with another ND person, but I've been in plenty of relationships with people who've turned out to be total F**kwits

Reply

  • I'm not familiar with the conditions you mention, but I've been in enough relationships where poor comunication has been a huge factor, but then so has being ignored, or asked what I'd like to do for my birthday and then be told we're doing almost the exact opposite!

    I don;t think I've ever knowingly been in a relationship with another ND person, but I've been in plenty of relationships with people who've turned out to be total F**kwits

Children
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