Struggle to sleep after busy day around others

This is me too. I work as a personal assistant and am around colleagues all day and at the time I feel like I did well but then after work when I'm on my own I over-think everything! I run over everything in my head, did I do that right? Should I have done this instead? Did I answer my boss correctly? Was she expecting more from me?

It can be overwhelming when my head goes into overdrive like this and it affects my sleeping as well and I really wish it wouldn't as I'm tired again an hour after waking up in the morning.

I wish I had the answers how not to do this but I hope you feel a little better knowing you're not the only one who does this.

Hugs.

We're perfectionists, by nature. I was always self-conscious of others. Although my own work performance was ever up to scratch.

We're perfectionists, by nature. I was always self-conscious of others. Although my own work performance was ever up to scratch.

Is this a common experience then? I've realised that I was bullied so much at school that still over 20 years on, I still do it to myself automatically, and can't feel positives.

I've only just started speaking to someone so maybe I'll start trying to see if it's possible to deal with it.

Hmm I think I’d be another person entirely without the bully inside my head. I’ve tried CBT but not sure it works well with the neurodivergent mind especially autism because we can be too logical when it comes to worries. 

That's something I'm learning to let go of and silence the inner bully, sometimes it works better than others. I still suffer from a lack of confidence and think if I can do something then anyone can and do it better, trouble is most of the time they can, so I swing towards feeling useless again.

There is a huge fear of not wanting to seem inadequate to others but also not wanting to let yourself down which in some ways is worse because self hatred or self judgement is usually much harsher. I know in my case it can be and I end up feeling useless, it’s similar to having a bully living inside your head. I ignore every positive because the negatives overshadow any good I could potentially focus on.

I've learnt to relax perfectionst tendencies after learning that Islamic buildings all have deliberate mistakes in thier decoration, because only God can be truely perfect and create perfection. I'm not God, so mistakes are allowed.