Poetry thread

Here's a long one. It needs some more work. It can be taken at face value, but there is a fair amount of metaphors. If interested, I can explain.

Other poems using ships don't use dreams a cargo. This is masking, absorbing others ideas, delivering their dreams and not your own. 

I have some better stuff about how thinking and the mind works, which I may make into a collection. 

I also plan to write a film script.

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Ship of dreams

From timbers new, we carve and hone,
Error teaches, till skills are grown.
Our mast and keel, the major choices,
From deepest truth, project our voices.
To ribs we shape, and hammer planks,
To gain a form, we feel the flanks.
With time our craft, do we refine,
Our vessels shape, within our mind.

Construct as best, as we are able,
With earnest hope, we trust it's stable.
The day draws near, we knew it would,
The slip to leave, we know we should.
A simple test, with all at stake,
To reach the world, a chance to take.
Our vessel rests, in waters calm,
Dreams are loaded, to fears a balm.

Though still naïve, we doubt we'll fail,
We'd like more time, yet still we sail.
Our ship of dreams, reflects the sun,
Out puffs our chest, we want some fun.
Unfurl our sails, colours on show,
They flap then hold, and off we go.
A gust then comes, with heel and creak,
To test our ship, and weakness seek.

An empty map, our plan unclear,
To roam afar, or shore stay near?
How bold to go, and what to see,
What trips to have, and who to be?
If fate be kind, we learn our trade,
We grow ourselves, with journeys made.
A ferry of dreams, some delivered,
But of our own, merely slivers.

Some storms are seen, with time aplenty,
A change of course, avoids them gently.
But some appear, with warnings few,
A test of courage, to make it through.
Sails are reefed, and hatches shut,
From times like these, our jib is cut.
On angry waves, the ship is brave,
We struggle hard, our dreams to save.

Skills are tested, we must prevail,
Our inner drive, to tell the tale.
Own eyes to see, knowledge hard won,
Damage patched, was almost fun.
Yet while we float, there is a cost,
When taking stock, a dream was lost.
We journey on, we mask our pain,
Life does not wait, for peace to gain.

There is still hope, the dream be found,
Upon some rocks, or run aground.
From up above, there comes a cry,
"Our luck is in, a dream I spy!"
As we draw near, we see the frame,
The dream it holds, is not the same.
Loss is mourned while onboard we haul,
New cargo fresh, it may yet call.

Too much can we, for granted take,
If ship repairs, we do not make.
And once again, the ship is stressed,
The tightest hatch, the sea caress.
The water seeps, then pours right in,
We fight so hard, it feels quite grim.
So much effort, and more we gave,
Our ship with dreams, we dared to save.

Courage stunned, to self I think,
I must put first, I must not blink.
In water cold, and bracing air,
I swim away, then turn and stare.
The tempest wails, she comes apart,
With cracks and groans, and sinking heart.
The shock alone, was hard to bear,
To stay afloat, I barely care.

Larger pieces, on waves do float.
My options thin, and none a boat,
To it I cling, on currents drift,
To land ahead, my spirits lift.
My keel and mast, they wash ashore,
Memories and scars, from storms before.
The deepest truths, of which I cared,
Have not been lost, my values spared.

To terms I come, mistakes to learn,
Wounds now healed, grief now burned.
Rebuild the ship, but what of dreams?
Desire now comes, to find the means.
Reuse the keel, with stiffer ribs,
Improve the frame, and change the jib.
From pain I forge, a harder nail,
Authentic self, new planks and rails.

The mast again, it rules the sky,
From up above, new banners fly.
The day draws near, was ever so,
The reef  to leave, I have to go.
With fuller map, and wiser plan,
A weathered hand, a wiser man.
I journey forth, with goal in mind,
My course is set, a dream to find.

Along it comes, no fuss to see,
The dream, it floats, and comes to me.
Outstretch a hook, and bring it in,
It was not where, I thought I'd win.
Lock is rusty, with knock, opens.
Lid propped up, hinges broken,
Inside there lies, the goal I sought,
By other course, could not be bought.

No more to sail, with dreams to lose,
I seek a base, with time to use.
With peaceful mind, to settle down,
My tale to tell, without a frown.
Wisdom to share, I hope it will,
For others help, improve their skill.
I do not speak, but still maintain,
A silent wish, to try again.

Excellent, what a journey!

Thank you.

I mostly did it in iambic tetrameter, which roughly means 8 syllables per line, with the even ones stressed. It may be better rewritten with iambic pentameter (10 syllables per line). It gives more space.

I tried the first verse, mostly keeping the wording the same. But it doesn't work. You have to start again, as the meter changes everything. You can't force fit the phrasing into another container.

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From great timbers new, we carve, cut and hone,
Our errors inform, from which skills are grown.
Robust keel and mast, the major choices,
From our deepest truth, project our voices.
To the ribs we shape, hammer nails in planks,
We gain a feeling, the form of our flanks.
With passing time our craft do we refine,
Our vessel takes shape, within yard of mind.
.

It is interesting looking at why some lines feel nicer or are more satisfying. I am learning.

This is the point; each word added, changed or moved changes the flow, feel and meaning. You basically start with a key phrase like, e.g "I wandered lonely as a cloud", decide on the meter and build from there.

Note that I wrote in couplets, this is where you have pairs of lines with the last word rhyming. The challenge is to make it feel natural and not forced. This is AAAA.

You can do every other line, so ABAB, which is common.

Others are possible to, ABCABC. You can play.

There is also free format, where there is no rhyming. I struggle with this. I haven't yet seen the rules/pattern, probably because there isn't one. You are relying on word feel or phrasing to carry it.

Shakespeare uses iambic pentameter in Romeo and Juliet apparently.

If you listen to some song lyrics, the most pleasing ones are like poetry. The words need rhythm, feel and meaning.

If you can get emotion in there, along with metaphor, create a visual image, and make it flow and sound pleasant, plus say something that resonates, you have it. You also want to avoid clichés and corny phrases.

Interesting - I'm learning more about poetry here, as I've never studied form, I only knew about Haiku 5-7-5 form. I had heard the term "iambic pentameter" somewhere, but didn't know what it meant.

I understand what you mean about the meter and phrasing. I hope you don't mind, but I've had a go at putting the first verse into iambic pentameter:

From strong timbers new, we carve, build and hone,
Errors will teach us, til new skills are grown
Our strong mast and keel, the choices we make
From deep thoughts and truth, our voices we take
New ribs are shaped and we hammer in planks
To gain a new form, and cover our flanks
In due time our craft, we trim and refine
Our vessel takes shape, in shipyard of mind.

I'm not sure if this retains the original meaning though?

Interesting - I'm learning more about poetry here, as I've never studied form, I only knew about Haiku 5-7-5 form. I had heard the term "iambic pentameter" somewhere, but didn't know what it meant.

I understand what you mean about the meter and phrasing. I hope you don't mind, but I've had a go at putting the first verse into iambic pentameter:

From strong timbers new, we carve, build and hone,
Errors will teach us, til new skills are grown
Our strong mast and keel, the choices we make
From deep thoughts and truth, our voices we take
New ribs are shaped and we hammer in planks
To gain a new form, and cover our flanks
In due time our craft, we trim and refine
Our vessel takes shape, in shipyard of mind.

I'm not sure if this retains the original meaning though?

This is the point; each word added, changed or moved changes the flow, feel and meaning. You basically start with a key phrase like, e.g "I wandered lonely as a cloud", decide on the meter and build from there.

Note that I wrote in couplets, this is where you have pairs of lines with the last word rhyming. The challenge is to make it feel natural and not forced. This is AAAA.

You can do every other line, so ABAB, which is common.

Others are possible to, ABCABC. You can play.

There is also free format, where there is no rhyming. I struggle with this. I haven't yet seen the rules/pattern, probably because there isn't one. You are relying on word feel or phrasing to carry it.

Shakespeare uses iambic pentameter in Romeo and Juliet apparently.

If you listen to some song lyrics, the most pleasing ones are like poetry. The words need rhythm, feel and meaning.

If you can get emotion in there, along with metaphor, create a visual image, and make it flow and sound pleasant, plus say something that resonates, you have it. You also want to avoid clichés and corny phrases.