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Advice about how to respond to a situation please?

ComputerGeek1337

Hello, was out for a walk today, and was approached by a gentlemen (a total stranger) who showed an interest in the slogan on my hoodie whilst walking down a side street, and gently explained what it was. This was a side road, and we were the only two people on it. He asked my name and whether I was a musician (the slogan is about a particular genre of music - I stated both of these). I was already feeling on edge (I suffer from clinical depression/anxiety), so gave away more information than I should probably. I had assumed this was him just initiating a friendly conservation, and was eventually going to lead him to ask for directions. However he went on to talk about whether I knew God loved me. At this point I said very anxiously said 'Sorry I've got to go, I need to keep my pace up, pointing to my Fitbit', and he said 'I want to talk you' even after panicking and walking away. I'm not sure what the motivation behind this gentleman was - admittedly I do suffer from depression, so my face and eyes can look droopy/dead most of the time, so perhaps this was him being just being friendly/decent? 

I can't stop worrying about this situation and how I should've responded. As it happens, I'm a practising Christian too, but I still do not like being put on the spot let alone asked personal questions. Partly because I don't know how to get out the situation politely. I have similar reactions to when chuggers try and approach me in the street. I really do not like being put in the spot, let alone asked personal questions. Please note this person was also from an African background, so perhaps has simply has a slightly different outworking of personal boundaries (differences in culture), and I shouldn't be too worried. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    What patterns of look or dress do they pick on typically?

  • They pick on certain people based on how they look or dress. They also know how to use manipulative language and use certain tricks.

    They also just pick on people at random.

    It is unsettling. But don't overthink it or worry.

    You just need to say,"Thank you, but I'd rather keep my beliefs to myself. I don't think I can help you. I have other things to do."

  • I see you also mention that you have difficulty with chuggers. I always say I don't sign up to anything in the street. 

  • in reply to Iain

    Iains answers a good one, mine would have a lot more Ff's in it. I did once put a mischievious look on my face and tell someone that I work for the "otherside".

  • In addition to what the other members have said, I think that if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, it might be wise not to advertise that you have a Fitbit, or any other technological gadgets (i.e. mobile phone).

    Try not to fret about that encounter. Yes, it made you feel anxious and uneasy, and I can understand why. When I find myself in situations like that, I will often use the excuse that I'm on my way to an appointment that I cannot be late for, and I'll carry on walking... unless it is someone asking for directions. I generally find that if people are wanting directions, they will make this clear at the onset.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you Iain. Saying: I don't know you and I'm not comfortable answering personal questions to strangers so I'll be moving on now. Goodbye' sounds helpful. I'll use that from now on. 

    I guess I'm not naturally a very assertive type. If you know the Big 5 personality test: my agreeableness and neuroticism are both very high. 

  • ComputerGeek1337 said:
    However he went on to talk about whether I knew God loved me.

    I do find a lot of the "god squad" people who want to push their beliefs onto you will use this approach. I think they believe they are spreading joy and enlightenment.

    From what you describe they sounded harmless enough so I wouldn't worry about it.

    The one lesson you can take away is that you give out too much info. Learning to be more guarded is a much safer approach for you in future, certainly for initial encounters.

    ComputerGeek1337 said:
    I still do not like being put on the spot let alone asked personal questions.

    I can recommend practicing this in front of the mirror. Say something like "I don't know you and I'm not comfortable answering personal questions to strangers so I'll be moving on now. Goodbye" until the phrase sticks and you can repeat it without thinking.

    You can say the same to the chuggers too - I find it works well.

    If you still struggle even with this tool in your arsenal then I would consider getting some assertiveness training to learn to stand up for yourself confidently and without agression. This is great as it has a wide range of uses in many different social and work situations.

    All in my opinion of course.

  • I don't see anything bad in this described situation,  but I understand your worries. I would be probably worried too if I was approached like you were.

    I often also give too much information about myself and then regret it. Sometimes it even happens that I give it after preparation of the conversation in my head, after still regret it afterwards. 

    I believe differently, so whenever I'm being approached by someone and the topic religion comes, I escape.