I need instructions what to do

Mamabear52 said:

 I have no idea how I’d cope on my own and it scares me.

There is not handbook to life as everyones capabilities and situation are different but there are some things you can do to help yourself.

I would start with creating a document on a word processer - really just as simple as clicking on File and New and chosing a blank document.

In here you can save it as Life Guide or something similar and start by writing notes on what things you need to learn how to do.

The simplest way I can think of is to observe what is happening around you and think "do I know how to do that". It is that easy to begin. List the items in a few categories such as "everyday stuff", "periodic stuff" and "one off / emergency stuff".

The everyday stuff you probably already know even if you think you don't. Ask those around you to show you if you are not sure then go and update the document you created with the new notes and save it.

For the periodic stuff, start by emailing the document to yourself once a week as a backup. Now think what happens periodically - Christmas, New Year, birthdays, anniversaries, tax returns, checking utility suppliers are offering good value, household insurance, car insurance perhaps etc.

In the first year make a note of everything that comes through your life and make notes on it to the point you could do it yourself next time using the notes as a guide.

Now comes the trickier bit - one-off or emergencies. These are much harder to identify as some are just so hard to predict so ask those closest to you to be on standby for help. Some things you can prepare for but realistically at 73 I think you can call in help for almost everything and not feel bad about it.

Just remember to thank those who helped sincerely and offer refreshments if appropriate - that is really all you probably need to do.

What you can prepare for is doing a simple first aid course for medical emergencies. If you or your husband have any medical issues then find out what sort of emergency response you can offer if the more common symptoms happen. Your husband can help with some of this but also look it up online and maybe spend some time looking on YouTube for videos on the subject. YouTube is a great resource on "how to" videos by the way - I use it a lot.

Other one-off things to ask family about are deaths, weddings/divorces, births and medical issues. Think what you would do is someone announced they had one of these in the family - would you know how to respond? Ask what others think is the right thing to do and ask them to describe it in detail while you make notes.

You won't get the same story from everyone but that is kind of how people are - we all have our own approaches so you can see what the range of responses is and think how you would want to behave in such a situation. There is no right or wrong for most things and if you want to be safe just offer congratulations (for weddings/births) and condolences (for deaths, divorce and sickness) and ask how you can help.

The biggest and most difficult thing I suspect you should talk about is what happens if one of you/your husband becomes very ill or dies. How do they want to be treated, if death comes, how do they want to be treated and remembered?

Check you know where important documents such as life insurance / funeral insurance / health insurance etc are and learn how to contact their helplines for advice in the event you need to use them. Even if it is passing the duty to someone else you need to know where they are and that your annual checks from above have kept the policy active.

Remember to document everything and keep backups somewhere other than the computer in case it fails.

You have a massive subject to deal with here but the best way forward is to plan out the outline of what needs doing, break it into a thousand small tasks and then just start on them and keep going until you run out of things to document.

This would be my approach anyway - I hope it is direct enough to help. 

Thank you.

Thank you.