Ok i Hope I just feel a bit better after posting this on here since there is noone else I could say it to and express how insulted, annoyed and useless I felt about my aspergers and how it effected me today.
I thought I would like to have a lot of fun, hang out with my close friends for the day and just be a normal person to fit in, so basically, we all had a BBBQ round my friends house, I found it quite fun in the morning when we first arrived but later on in the day, when we were playing a board game, that's basically a guessing game where there's a word on a peice of paper then 2 people in the group describes the word for someone to guess it correct then they get a point or something, I just got so p*ssed off at all that point during the board game, my friends were all laughing cos when words were being described to me, I really got extremely confused about how to guess that word and what it meant, I find it extremely difficult to take in information and it HAS to be really clear and obvious for me to understand, That's not what p*ssed me off a lot but it's the fact that my other "friend" who also has aspergers the bloody SAME thing as I do decided to insult me in MANY different ways such as saying "you're not even trying" well, I was trying the hardest I could to understand everything and the wording but I can't because of how my disability effects me, he said so many different stupid things cos I then got really bored, I noticed I wasn't able to fit into the guessing game and all the wording stuff because my brain works differently, but he has aspergers as well but probably it effects him a different way than it effects me, so later on I stopped playing it, my other firneds just told me to look after the timer so I time them to answer the guessing questions and words in a required amount of time, I really felt like they didn't want me in the game because I couldn't guess any words, didn't know hardly anything with logical questions etc etc, I felt useless, then my other friend wiith aspergers later on said to me are you even paying any attention to the timer, do you even know how to use the timer where it is just flipping it over when the sand reaches the other end, that really had me VERY annoyed and p*ssed off with him, I think from today we are no longer ever friends, can't believe he is acting like such a idiot to me and I doubt any of them knew how I felt and how difficult it is to live with this aspergers my entire life.
Yes... I do wish I could just fit in and understand things like board games like nature questions, history ones etc etc and be normal in communication, even before the board game, I also asked questions which I thought were making sense and did actually feel sensible to ask but NO... they all laughed and answered me with a obvious answer apparently their faces looked like they think I'm so weird and a dumbass like almost as if they were thinking who the hell would ask that stupid question?
Ever since I was aware that I had aspergers, it had quite a few positive effects on me as a person but the problem is that it also brought out negative side affects as well which I am more aware of. If only I could just have a normal brain... it does bring me down a lot especially when social situations like that happen and I feel insulted all the time like also today when my other friend with aspergers told me that after I asked them "stupid" questions that it doesn't mean that they were all laughing with me, that probably means that they were laughing at me. If this keeps up, I don't want to be friends with anyone.
