As I've never been diagnosed, I've always struggled mentally,
I find social whatever, (eg groups, celebrations and talking) confusing,
When others try and talk to me, I just completely shut down as my brain panicks as it doesn't know how to respond, however, when I can participate, I'm always told "we already knew that", thus I've never had friends or anything
School?? Hard, constantly getting into trouble because I'm seen as introverted (we all know kids are annoying morons and will pick on people they do t understand), so I've always hated break times, and school would call home, and then I'd be in trouble
Home? Always in my room, gaming, could talk online, but, eventually I was told not to talk online meaning my only way to have normal conversations was cut off
Often, I'm in circumstances where I've done something (eg not washing properly or showering for example - I do this, but fail to understand why they think I'm not doing it properly), in these circumstances as I'm caught off guard, my brain just shuts down completely and all I say is "don't know" constantly, so now I look stupid, but in actuality, my brain is just shut down
College? I did game Dev where I did great, never paid attention to the lectures, but that was because I understood everything easily & quickly, so I'd pop my earbuds on and work
At the start? Hard to concentrate because the tasks where too easy and not enough for my mind, however when I did FMP?? My brain was piling on tasks, which meant my brain was shooting off ideas and was doing amazing, but it takes a while for my brain to boot up, so I had to skip lunches daily because by the time I was booted up and operating at maximum, it was break time, so skipped that, skipped lunch as I was too busy, so I went hungry for days because of the way ghe day went.
I've noticed I always drink a LOT when operating as it feels my brain is consuming a lot more water than everyone else, so I often went to refill it, so used this time to clean up my brain, writing stuff down that where important then whilst refilling, I could just take a breather
Social interactions really tired me out so much, as my brain just shuts down so I'm tired, but I can work VERY long without breaks or anything because how my brain is all wired.
I'm now waiting for my GP appointment, my concern is Ill either be complety shut down or B, I not believed or it's downplayed, I even feel weak just reaching out to a GP, because I was raised to belive males shouldn't reach out, amd as a result, I'm always feeling depressed and ignored, because I'm alwayd having to hide it, AKA constantly compartmentising everything, Ive had attemosts on my life, but only faioed because I was afraid of death, and when parents found out, I was verbally insulred, now they have cameras, and thats oreventtsd attempts but still struggle so much.
I even suffer from PTSD - I was treated terribly when I went to try and pay, not going into detail but a long story short? Physical assault by a guard, now I can't even enter a shop or anything as a result. I struggle to sleep, because PTSD relating to my past
