Feelings after diagnosis

I’m only in my 20s but I got diagnosed a few months ago and I have had such a mix of emotions. Like relieved to know what was different about me but upset because I was and still am different and also worried about how I’d cope in the future, especially when I can’t slow down my racing mind and distressing thoughts/past events. I often wonder if I got extra support in schools would I have been more successful, or would I have got bullied even more so than usual? 

I hope you feel better soon and feel free to post as much as needed here as we are very welcoming and supportive!

I've been thinking about my life too, would things have been better had I been diagnosed earlier, I guess maybe in some ways. As someone outwardly high functioning growing up around adults who seemed to think that intelligence was the magic wand that solved all issues. I have a deep suspicion that if there was anything about me that would prompt a diagnosis I would have still  been told that being bright I would be fine. A childhood diagnosis would have been helpful for later life, but I'm not sure if it would have been as wonderful as I imagine.

I totally get the racing mind, and letting go of the past can be a nightmare, my brain ambushing me with memories!

It’s like I can’t seem to practice the techniques to slow down a racing mind, I try and do them but the irritability and sticky thoughts just overpower and therefore the vicious circle continues. 

I also think getting diagnosed as a child would have helped but as I said, it can also make you more of a target for bullies. Not long before I had a diagnosis I got bullied and manipulated by the manager and now I’m frightened to even go to work because of a repeat and knowing I have autism doesn’t really help. It’s like a 50/50 chance you either get someone who cares or someone who abuses their power. 

It’s like I can’t seem to practice the techniques to slow down a racing mind, I try and do them but the irritability and sticky thoughts just overpower and therefore the vicious circle continues. 

I also think getting diagnosed as a child would have helped but as I said, it can also make you more of a target for bullies. Not long before I had a diagnosis I got bullied and manipulated by the manager and now I’m frightened to even go to work because of a repeat and knowing I have autism doesn’t really help. It’s like a 50/50 chance you either get someone who cares or someone who abuses their power.