Hi all. I want to introduce myself by saying I am 44 y/o and have just received confirmation that I am “Atypical Autistic”. In a way, I did not need it to be "official". I just knew, but medical confirmation psychologically is another journey, isn’t it? I felt like, for once, there was no inner conflict with something coming from outside me. I was fully aligned. And together with my long-time diagnosed ADHD explains why nothing has ever been easy. Or should I say why nothing has ever worked out?
Reading from other autistic posters here, a diagnosis of this type can strain an already strained relationship with your partner. This has been my case. Whether it is because I was told I want to use autism as an answer for everything or because my partner “didn’t sign up for this when we met”, I found myself lonelier than ever. I don’t know about other ones, but I am a person who, because of the way life has always been — ridiculous number of changes everywhere due to, among other things, fluctuations with motivation that pass from 0-100-0-100 constantly with EVERYTHING — meeting people has not been on my radar for quite some time. Social interactions? Yes, but only to the ones that are strictly needed. Not one more, thank you. Simply put, unless conversations with people are meaningful to me, I just can’t deal with any of them. And the meaningful ones from my perspective are more than rare in a neurotypical world. Masking throughout a whole life and trying to fit in somewhere — even though it was obvious, insisting was never the way to go — leaves you totally drained and deeply uninterested in being social. Or so is my experience. This is such an exhausting journey.
Well, having agreed to try to improve things little by little, does anyone know if there is any place where autistic/neurodivergent people can gather (doesn't have to be physically, but if so, I'm in London) and share some common interests? My special interest list, for example, has varied over the years, but listening to records is a total addiction (melodic types of metal/electronic/ethereal music and an obsession for The Doors). Deep, meaningful conversations are the other thing that makes me reconnect with my (lost) inner me. Either way, it is a pleasure to be part of this great autism online community. Take care and see you around.
