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Might need to shut down my small biz

DontEatMe

Hi all

I'm new here. I teach piano. It's the only job I've been able to keep for as long as I have. I burned out on it before working for a music school. I moved to working from home over 5 years ago and now I'm burning out all over again. I just find it so overwhelming interacting with multiple people per week.

I've reduced my hours, placed stricter limits on who I accept as a student, taken further training online, set firmer boundaries with student and parent behaviour/expectations, and I now only work a few hours a week and I'm still overwhelmed.

I feel so pathetic and lesser than everyone in the world who can just do stuff and not be overwhelmed.

I've gone on meds for anxiety and ADHD and it's not stopped me from getting exhausted. I don't sleep much anymore. I dread every lesson I teach. I dread dealing with parents. I dread organising and MC-ing annual student concerts. 

I feel myself burning out and I'm miserable.

My husband can take care of both of us with his income and work benefits but I'm so scared of not having my own money. And I know I mentally can't cope with the punitive process of applying for PIP.

I hate this.

Any support or advice would be amazing.

Parents
  • DontEatMe said:
    I just find it so overwhelming interacting with multiple people per week.

    You have identified a key trigger for your autistic trait here. Is this the only trait causing you serious issues in the workplace?

    You do need to recover from your burnout first, but once this is achieved, would you consider spending at least some of your time developing techniques for managing these traits so you can endure them better and for longer?

    They will never go away but you can learn how to relax more effectively to lower the stress levels that the interactions bring, and you can learn to understand them so where you need to interact you can cope better.

    If you can afford it, a psychotherapist is the best tool I can recommend as they can teach you techniques in ways that work for you, but if the budget does not stretch that far then you can self learn techniques like meditation and mindfulness that allow you to manage your level of stress.

    Learning about how to interact socially is also a great skill to learn, and if you are a very rules based thinker then reading up on the dynamics of social interaction makes it suddenly less opaque and easier to interact with. You will need to mask and script no doubt but this becomes easier when you have developed a much better understanding of what is happening in any interaction.

    It sounds nice and easy on paper but it is months or years worth of part time study to do all this, but the skills will benefit you for a lifetime.

    These are just my thoughts on what may help - hopefully something is of use.

Reply
  • DontEatMe said:
    I just find it so overwhelming interacting with multiple people per week.

    You have identified a key trigger for your autistic trait here. Is this the only trait causing you serious issues in the workplace?

    You do need to recover from your burnout first, but once this is achieved, would you consider spending at least some of your time developing techniques for managing these traits so you can endure them better and for longer?

    They will never go away but you can learn how to relax more effectively to lower the stress levels that the interactions bring, and you can learn to understand them so where you need to interact you can cope better.

    If you can afford it, a psychotherapist is the best tool I can recommend as they can teach you techniques in ways that work for you, but if the budget does not stretch that far then you can self learn techniques like meditation and mindfulness that allow you to manage your level of stress.

    Learning about how to interact socially is also a great skill to learn, and if you are a very rules based thinker then reading up on the dynamics of social interaction makes it suddenly less opaque and easier to interact with. You will need to mask and script no doubt but this becomes easier when you have developed a much better understanding of what is happening in any interaction.

    It sounds nice and easy on paper but it is months or years worth of part time study to do all this, but the skills will benefit you for a lifetime.

    These are just my thoughts on what may help - hopefully something is of use.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    I've already spent my life studying people and memorizing and scripting to make myself palatable to people. I've done it successfully enough to run a sole trader business for 10 years. But it's exactly what's wearing me into the ground. I'm 35 and it's still hard work for me. I have never found it easy, my brain has to go on overdrive to do it and I never feel certain that I'm doing it right. It's like trying to run a program on a computer that can't actually handle it so it overheats and the fan starts whirring like crazy to keep up, that's how I feel. 

    And I can't just choose not to mask on this job. Nobody wants their piano teacher to be rocking or fidgeting next to them while they're trying to concentrate on playing something. Nobody wants a teacher who never looks them in the eye, or who has a monotone voice or a flat facial expression. Nobody wants to discover that their teacher is briefly zoning out sometimes from sheer overwhelm.

    As long as I'm masking, I keep customers but I lose my mind. But if I stop, I'll lose customers and have no money of my own. But how long until I snap? And in a society that values money and money-making above all else, won't I be more isolated than ever if I don't force myself to keep going? I'm so lost!