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Venting on how working is hard

Deleted User

I have found the last 10 years quite tough. If I had to point just to one thing, I most commonly felt -and feel- alienated (or estranged).

There is like an oscillation: trying, failing, trying, failing...

I am exhausted, I feel an alien that doesn't quite know why it can't be fully like the others. I fear I will never be able to work, and this in turn makes me feel lazy or unworthy of love.

I have tried to cope, but this has left me quite disabled -or so I feel. And even with reasonable work experience and degrees, I feel just drained.

I was told this was autisc burnout, but sometimes I doubt it will go away. It feels like stuck with me.

I wonder how this maps to your case, or anything that comes to your mind.

If you feel so too, I share my love to you.

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  • Unknown said:

    have tried to cope, but this has left me quite disabled -or so I feel. And even with reasonable work experience and degrees, I feel just drained.

    I really relate to this. I started working when I was 17 and once I started university I had 2 part time jobs. I was heavily masked and undiagnosed and even now I’m unsure on how I managed to push through. But I suppose I haven’t as I’m now severely burnt out and have been unemployed for a year now and am on disability benefits. I feel since being diagnosed a year ago I feel ‘more autistic’ if that makes sense. I have really struggled with skill regression and burnout. I too feel so drained and lazy and like I don’t deserve to feel tired or exhausted because all I do is stay at home all day and don’t physically do anything - but I am mentally drained and exhausted at the end of every day. I feel guilty and useless. I can’t see myself working in the future at all and that makes me feel like a failure. I know there is more to life than being employed.  

  • in reply to Ems

    Hi  I have recently been doing a lot of work around the same feelings - more by luck than judgement perhaps I've dodged the unemployed bit for now however I have been teetering on the edge for a while.  I was tempted to say that I have bee trying to dig myself out of the problem.  This made me reflect a bit that if I'm digging in the wrong direction...  I might be getting deeper if you get my meaning.  Sometimes we need support and help from others.  In the formal context of autism being diagnosed around one being disabled by the condition this is a hard but true fact.  (OK disabled by neurotypical society but that's a whole further topic)  That is some thing that it took me  some getting my head around.  Part of my masking was denying that I needed help and support.  Anyway maybe from what you have written you might need support with 1) recovering from burnout and 2) getting and keeping a job. Might be worth your identifying and lobbying for that maybe?  The NAS have links on the website - I used them to find out what I am entitled to and then to get the wheels in motion.  Best Wishes

  • in reply to Phased

    thank you i will definately have a look. where could i find the links?

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