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Venting on how working is hard

Deleted User

I have found the last 10 years quite tough. If I had to point just to one thing, I most commonly felt -and feel- alienated (or estranged).

There is like an oscillation: trying, failing, trying, failing...

I am exhausted, I feel an alien that doesn't quite know why it can't be fully like the others. I fear I will never be able to work, and this in turn makes me feel lazy or unworthy of love.

I have tried to cope, but this has left me quite disabled -or so I feel. And even with reasonable work experience and degrees, I feel just drained.

I was told this was autisc burnout, but sometimes I doubt it will go away. It feels like stuck with me.

I wonder how this maps to your case, or anything that comes to your mind.

If you feel so too, I share my love to you.

Parents
  • Unknown said:

    have tried to cope, but this has left me quite disabled -or so I feel. And even with reasonable work experience and degrees, I feel just drained.

    I really relate to this. I started working when I was 17 and once I started university I had 2 part time jobs. I was heavily masked and undiagnosed and even now I’m unsure on how I managed to push through. But I suppose I haven’t as I’m now severely burnt out and have been unemployed for a year now and am on disability benefits. I feel since being diagnosed a year ago I feel ‘more autistic’ if that makes sense. I have really struggled with skill regression and burnout. I too feel so drained and lazy and like I don’t deserve to feel tired or exhausted because all I do is stay at home all day and don’t physically do anything - but I am mentally drained and exhausted at the end of every day. I feel guilty and useless. I can’t see myself working in the future at all and that makes me feel like a failure. I know there is more to life than being employed.  

  • in reply to Ems

    We are not alone then.

    I, too, have been 1yr unemployed, but I lived off my few savings because I feared the UC people and such. Now, I have no money and am in the process of applying to UC.

    They feel like a threat to me, and makes my anxiety sky high.

    I deeply suffer having to tell my suffering to them, they are not even specialists, but the other choice is being on the streets.

Reply
  • in reply to Ems

    We are not alone then.

    I, too, have been 1yr unemployed, but I lived off my few savings because I feared the UC people and such. Now, I have no money and am in the process of applying to UC.

    They feel like a threat to me, and makes my anxiety sky high.

    I deeply suffer having to tell my suffering to them, they are not even specialists, but the other choice is being on the streets.

Children
  • in reply to Ems

    Thank you. I will have to I think.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I receive universal credit limited capability for work and it has definetly been helpful. although the interview/assessment for it was stressful it is worth it if you think that youd be eligble. it was very hard talking about my struggles with the assessor, like many who conduct these interviews they are not autistic specalists. if you are going to go though with it i really do recommend writing as muich as you can on the forms and go into detail and tell the assessor that you struggle with communicating your issues. maybe you could have someone with you during the call to support and speak for you? 

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    We are not alone then.

    Nope - just like in "The X Files" the truth is out there!  Might be worth finding an autism support worker to help advocate and support you.  

    If you're in the UK then the service you receive ought to work to "NICE guidelines"

    "Adults receiving care from the autism team should also have a named key worker."

    So maybe make sure you're in that system and signed up as receiving care if you're not already - if you are then maybe specifically ask for one?

    Quality statement 4: Coordination of care and support | Autism | Quality standards | NICE

    Then maybe the key worker will help take the burden of the threat down a bit?

    (full reveal here- my experience of trying to get this support is not great, I had to "get better enough" by my own efforts using advice from people on this website and on-line resources and the help of friends and relatives before I was able to push for what I need ---- not ideal but "it is what it is".  Maybe you pushing fro what you need will mean a small win for you and if enough autistic people do then neurotypical society will start to realise we won't be passive in how we are treated anymore...)