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Venting on how working is hard

Deleted User

I have found the last 10 years quite tough. If I had to point just to one thing, I most commonly felt -and feel- alienated (or estranged).

There is like an oscillation: trying, failing, trying, failing...

I am exhausted, I feel an alien that doesn't quite know why it can't be fully like the others. I fear I will never be able to work, and this in turn makes me feel lazy or unworthy of love.

I have tried to cope, but this has left me quite disabled -or so I feel. And even with reasonable work experience and degrees, I feel just drained.

I was told this was autisc burnout, but sometimes I doubt it will go away. It feels like stuck with me.

I wonder how this maps to your case, or anything that comes to your mind.

If you feel so too, I share my love to you.

Parents

  • Got to say this feels so much like me. I am stuck in a vacuum in that I am waiting for legal *** to happens. It feels that I will only be able to emerge from the perpetual burnout state once there is clear direction. It is like being given a map to somewhere better but when you look the map is a blank page.

    As David Byrne wrote in the lyrics to a song "I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am"

    Hopefully things will get better for you soon. For me it's the anger of what has happen to me since diagnosis that keeps the fire in my belly alight just enough to survive day to day.

    Who said things would get easier after diagnosis!!! 

  • in reply to Mr T

    Hi  I have been wondering how things were going for you in your legal actions.

    Other people have expressed similar sentiments to "waiting is the hardest part" or its "the hope that kills you" - I empathise.

    The "dual empathy" situation/problem in action it seems.

    I've recently been exploring it as a "triple empathy" situation/problem by adding thinking about how the autistic person empathising with themselves.  

    Mr T said:
    "I'm not lost, I just don't know where I am"

    seems to describe that maybe.

    As for Talking Heads songs "Life During Wartime" seems apt.

    Anger and enthusiasm feel to me to be both "sides" of the same passion.

    My personal experience is that not having an outlet for enthusiasm (e.g. thro' productive employment, literally not being valued by society) can flip things into anger.

    I try myself to engage with something that is close to my personal values enthusiastically in order to employ the energy in a productive way whilst waiting for the other path to open up or find away around/through/over the blockage.

    It's not "easier in the mind" to start with however experience shows it to be so sometimes.

    I reckon that you already do this however from time to time the waves of frustration still batter you as they do me and I suspect others too.

    Hang in there  - we all love it when a plan comes together!

  • in reply to Phased

    Thanks for your kind words and yes life during wartime is a pretty good fit.

    My employer  tried to get me to redact major points in my grievance which has been ongoing in the system since March with no end in sight. I guess that will play into my hands when it eventually get to tribunal. Now it seems like it will be listed for December / January time but I suspect more employer shenanigans before then.

    They are trying to wear me down but forget that one of my trats is perseverance .

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  • in reply to Phased

    Thanks for your kind words and yes life during wartime is a pretty good fit.

    My employer  tried to get me to redact major points in my grievance which has been ongoing in the system since March with no end in sight. I guess that will play into my hands when it eventually get to tribunal. Now it seems like it will be listed for December / January time but I suspect more employer shenanigans before then.

    They are trying to wear me down but forget that one of my trats is perseverance .

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