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Explaining the Mask

KimmySunshine

So clearly for the 48years I’ve been on this planet I’ve always masked and actually haven’t gotten to know who the real me is, I’m always the people pleaser and go with the flow even when I’m never comfortable and very nearly close to, or in total shutdown. So my question is this, how do I get my point across or explain my feelings or situation to people like Doctors, family, benefits people or therapists when I’m masking and can’t stop? I always say what I think people want me to and this obviously isn’t always what’s right for me. The only way I can fully explain myself is by reading questions then writing the answers but then I need quiet to do so. Please help 

  • I concur with the others. I often need to write notes to prepare for appointments and meetings with friends. 

    On my phone, I also keep a long, medium and short list of ‘how autism affects me’. They are easy to edit as new information comes along.

  • Today I met a friend for lunch in a café. 

    Before I left home; I opened a draft email to myself and jotted down a few bullet points about:

    - things I wanted to take with me and remember to show them,

    - things I wanted to ask them, 

    - things about which I wanted tell them,

    - notes about forthcoming events which I had noticed, and

    - a couple of suggested dates for our next meeting up.

  • I’m a perpetual people pleaser as well, KimmySunshine, so I get what you’re saying. The best advice I’ve seen on this forum for this situation is to write down what you want to say before you go into social situations. This is especially true when seeing doctors and therapists. It’s so easy in the moment to just say what you think they want to hear, so having what you want to say written down ahead of time makes it a little easier to stay focused on what really needs to be said.