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New Parent - Signs of Autistic Traits - Any helpful guidance

Paul_1878

Hi,

I am 40 odd years old. I have never given much thought to my own psychology but now I've become a parent it's throwing up all kinds of questions about myself and for my oldest son. 

I have 3 beautiful children. My youngest 2 are hitting atypical "milestones" whereas my eldest, who is 4, has struggled with language development. When he was younger he never really used to like looking me in the eye much, he's a lot more sensory than the other two (used to get really upset when we went to new places), often prefers playing on his own, was obsessed with Toy Story and putting Woody's hat on and off the dolls head. 

Now a lot of the things I've mentioned have seemed to have improved. He's recently been given a suggestive diagnosis of echolalia  in language attainment. His speech is coming along slowly. He's better in new social situations now. He is still very fussy about what he eats. 

I suppose I'm wondering if all this is normal? My dad has intense interests, hates social situations (pretty much refuses to eat in restaurants because he feels uncomfortable(, has a very small circUpside down of friends, doesn't like deviating from plans. The reason why I'm asking is that now it's raising questions about things that have been said about me and him over the years i e. Mr. Routine. He likUpside down what he likes. I could never really understand concepts until I knew a lot about it and if people couldn't tell me everything I'd switch off it shut down or if I wasn't interested I'd completely shUpside down off to learning something. I'm just wondering if this is all normal behaviour? Is there more I can be doing for my son? He's such a sweet boy, I'm worried his language barrier will stunt his ability to make friends and to express himself properly. 

Any information or advice would be appreciated. 

Thanks for taking time to read 

Paul 

  • in reply to Paul_1878

    Yes, we ended up getting an official diagnosis for C around age 4. It took about a year for her to be assessed. Even the psychiatrist that worked with her declared her “borderline,” but still said that she is officially ASD/ADHD. We got a lot of kick back from her former school around age 5-6, as they would not - for whatever reason - accept her diagnosis even though it was official. They kept labelling her as “defiant” instead. Thankfully we’re at a school now that is properly accepting her for what she really is. C is in a social/emotional help classroom for part of the day and then tries to spend time in a general classroom with more NT students.

    Do keep in mind, I’m in the US, so healthcare looks a little different here. We were able to get the diagnosis at 4, but that might not be feasible in your area. We basically had to beg to get her in that early lol.

    As for speech, yes! C was significantly delayed in speech, but R was not. She would mumble random gibberish for much of her toddler/younger years and still every so often when she is pretend playing the gibberish will come up again. We started speech therapy around… I think age 2? And that helped a TON. Now she is ahead of her peers in literacy. So late bloomer, but boy is she doing well now.

    As a side note: I think one thing that was messing up C was actually the cartoons her grandma was showing her. When she started talking, it was a gross mix of American, English, and Australian accents, because she was watching Peppa Pig and Bluey practically every day. When I started to wean her off those shows, her speech cleared up a bit. I don’t know if that was a direct cause for it delaying further, but it’s worth noting at least. If you’re in the UK, maybe focusing on shows that display your region’s accent is better than doing say American shows.

  • in reply to Paul_1878
    Paul_1878 said:
    Most are saying they won't diagnose until they're 7

    For ADHD, I think there used to be a lower age limit of 7 years for diagnosis. The thinking being that before that age all kids are a bit hyper and inattentive anyway. I'm not sure if that is still a general guideline for ADHD diagnoses. I'm pretty sure it never applied to Autism diagnoses.

  • in reply to pietro_21

    Interesting. Sounds a little like myself Joy Did you get any formal diagnosis or have you come to realise you're neuro diverse?

  • in reply to profdanger

    Did you get official diagnosis for them? How did that go for you? We've really struggled to get any definitive diagnosis, even though we've persued it for over 2 years. Most are saying they won't diagnose until they're 7 and because it's appears "borderline".  We are obviously panicking he may fall too far behind in school during that time and potentially fade into the background. 1 year alone is huge in a child's development. Did any of your children struggle with speech and language acquisition? Did you use any strategies if so to try and move them along?

  • Hi Paul!

    I’m Autistic, diagnosed at 30, and I have one daughter (C) who is also Autistic and another (R) who is likely neurotypical. So it is very common for Autism to be passed along generations, so the idea that you and your father could also be neurodiverse makes sense. One thing to keep in mind is that neurodiversity is a spectrum, so even if it doesn’t look the same between you and your children, it could still be a thing.

    For example, my daughter C and I both were late hitting milestones growing up, but I didn’t suffer quite as much with smell/sound sensitivities as she does. Even though our Autism looks a little bit different, both of us have our own version of it.

    If you have any questions, I’d be happy to help however I can!

  • Hi Paul,

    I only recently joined this forum, as I wanted to get to hear the experience of others. 

    I really enjoyed primary school, but my observation in later life was not the same as others. I never had a 'best' friend. This didn't really bother me, or the social value of situations and sustaining relationships. Having lots of borderline obsessive hobbies like collecting bits of pottery or rocks or fossils - just the ideas related to these and history. Wanting to know the whole of something. Being questioned about that. Also withdrawing completely to invest time in those interests. 

    I hope this helps.