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I can’t cope anymore

190E(Taylor’s version)

No help is forthcoming on my carrer or rehousing 

and im being told “you split up wirh me becuase I don’t like Taylor swift” 

nonim breaking up with you becuse I don’t even get to watch tv and I get mocked for having a speical interest that makes me joyful 

im not allowed to Info Dump im not allowed to self regulate 

im day in day our being made to feel like a failure for having a intense interest yet my work friends who also don’t really like Taylor embrace it for an 8 hour shift yet at home i gwt told “yoir getting a tttaoo of someone you’ve liked for a week”

it doesn’t get listened to that masking is a thing a thing that has lead me to only watch or listen to Taylor on my own and not tell anyone and im fed up of feeling that it’s soemthing to be embarrassed about 

for 2 years ive took every opertunitt to mock swifties as a form of maksing when deep down all I wanted was to say I love being a swiftie 

bjr when I unmask and gwt told tou sound rediculss for using a nickname every swiftie uses it has been the thing that made me think forget this I need to be in my own 

she accused me of having a side peice for gods sake 

there three things I want right now my own space,ro quit my job(I had to do the work of 2 people today whilst the owner just made out hes a fun guy yeah sure it’s fun to refuse to help) and to work on my music even if that means having a job to pay the bills but a job that requires no more than 2 hours a day 5 days a week 

I shouldn’t be made ro feel ashamed for once in my life feeling like I belong becuase ive found my fandom 

I can’t change how much rhe music and carrer of Taylor means to me it’s part of rhe autistic need for facts patterns and familiarity 

I wish I could shake it off but I cant and long gone are the days I’d marry with paper rings 

thats another thing I do talk in quotes but it’s part of me and im nkt allows ro be that person 

for too many years I struggled to find who I am I never fitted in when I had my goth phase etc but I have a fandom that I feel a part of and im not even allowed that but also im not allowed to want to end a relationship that hasn’t been working for months and months becuase it’s perceived as it all about Taylor no but shaming my passion just pushed me over the edge 

ive gone from flappy hands and calmness to wanting to cry bjr being all out of tears 

I am surrounded by change so this was the right time to change this too

inwant to be single so what if that means I have my own flat wirh a Tay Tay theme is it so wrong ro want to be who I am?

I think it’s probably best I stop unmasking now 

Parents

  • I quite like the way you communicate. I think it is funny and intelligent, and it also feels very authentic. You could use a spell checker / dictionary though, to make it easier for us to read.

    I think that in social situations there are two opposite forces at play: one is that of being authentic and free of others' judgement; the other one is that of fitting-in which requires shaving-off some pieces of our personality. This is for both autistic and non-autistic people.

    For my own case, I doubt I could fully be myself all the time, similar to what you feel -though maybe less extreme. It saddens me as well, but some places allow me some corners of my personality, and other places or contexts other corners. One, I think, needs to accept some of this.

    This happens to everybody to an extent, but it is worse for minorities. A gay person would find fun to tell dad or mom "I really like that guy / girl". However, given that the other person would be same-sex, parents may not react how we expect, and many members of society won't either.

    For a gay person, that could be sad and disappointing, and they would be right to think it is unfair.

    However, you may have some gay friends where you can be a bit more wild. It is important -i think- to keep one foot in reality: not everyone will accept us in full authenticity all the time, and we may need to look for spaces where some of the previously-shove-off corners are allowed.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    For me when I had a gay best friend years ago he would say oh I miss such and such she’s so hot snd I’d say did I tell you about such and such she does this cute photo pose lol

    the hatters gunna hate hate hate hate im just gunna shake shake shake shake shake it off shake it of a wooo hoooo 

    just think while give beeen getting down and out to the liars and the dirty dirty cheats of the world you could a been getting down to this sick beat

    there you go thats my anthem 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    For me when I had a gay best friend years ago he would say oh I miss such and such she’s so hot snd I’d say did I tell you about such and such she does this cute photo pose lol

    the hatters gunna hate hate hate hate im just gunna shake shake shake shake shake it off shake it of a wooo hoooo 

    just think while give beeen getting down and out to the liars and the dirty dirty cheats of the world you could a been getting down to this sick beat

    there you go thats my anthem 

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