I wonder if only i have such doubts. There are many situations that repeat in my life, which fit very well under the autism diagstic criteria. But there are also some, that makes me doubt if I could possibly be autistic. This is improvisation. I hate it, but I did it few times in my life. Once in a high school and few times in college. Usually its like preparing some project and one colleague or even few of them didn't prepare themselves for the speech. And I ended up giving the whole presentation, because hmm I was the only one, who got well prepared not only for my part, but fir whole topic. In one case it was funny, because I was supposed to not speak st all, because I wrote the text and prepared schemes in power point. And I ended up giving the speech, because I was the only one who new what was that about. Once In a high school I ended up singing and dancing without any preparation. It was a Russian culture day and I was totally overwhelmed and an outsider, like always. And there was a big preparation to a performance of one song in Russian. They had special outfits and everything was ready. Suddenly the girl, who was supposed to sing as the leader of this band, she fell in tears and started panicking, that she will fail, that she will forget the lyrics etc. While others tried to calm her down, the teacher, who led this project approached me and asked me if I can sing this song. Russian was my huge love at that time (special interest) and there was barely any Russian song, that I wouldn't know tge lyrics by heart and my pronouncing sound like a native speaker (it's not so good anymore). I agreed, although I didn't have the dress, I agreed to perform in my shirt and trousers. I just red the lyrics once from the sheet and went on the stage, sang, nit even looking at the audience and then I got big ovations and congrats and also compliments about my voice being good. It was so overwhelming that I hid immediately, wanted all those people to leave me alone. So here is the thing, I just performed the task, didn't care at all about others, how they would perceive me and then went away. I was kinda satisfied, that I saved the performance, but also exhausted of all this. So it looks like I was not so shy or anxious... how I did it, I still don't understand.
