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What’s the most “NT” way of starting a conversation?

Autismman

So today I made a conscious effort to start or try to start a bit of small talk between myself and a cashier. First of all they didn’t hear me which I thought was some sign I shouldn’t bother or did he hear me and was deliberately ignoring me? I am not sure. I ended up repeating myself by saying “busy today?” he replied with “not as busy as some weekends we have” fair enough answer. I made a comment on it being cooler in here and the outside is, it was a supermarket so they had air con luckily for them. I mean he didn’t seem that over the moon to be working at all so perhaps not the best start for my test but an experience anyway. I usually do not go out of my way to speak with others or start the conversation unless spoken to so I did plan what I was going to say but I will repeat this method perhaps with slightly different questions. I feel I need some scripts in my arsenal for different situations though. 

Parents
  • Autismman said:
    I feel I need some scripts in my arsenal for different situations though. 

    In this situation I assume you don't know the guy and it was not a chat up line you were going for, so the sort of small talk lines I would deploy here would be:

    1 - generic

    'Morning / afternoon, me again. How are you?

    2 - if something happened in the shop of note - shoplifter getting nicked, a drunk being thrown out etc

    You don't see that sort of thing everyday - or do you?

    3 - If they look miserable

    I don't envy doing your job and having to deal with people like me all day. How do you do it?

    4 - if you know some detal about them - eg they are working on a project 

    Hows the project going? I'm amazed you have the energy for it after working here all day.

    If you can make small talk a special interest then it gets so much easier - there are loads of resources out there that give tips and suggestions but normally you need to look at a situation (eg waiting in line in the shop) and think how to adapt one of these possible options to the situation in hand.

    It is a bit like working out a puzzle - if you can gamify it then it actually becomes fun to see if you can get a conversation going.

    The occasional mess up is entirely to be expected but analise this afterwards and work out if you made a mistake, if there was a factor you missed or if the person was just neurotypical.

Reply
  • Autismman said:
    I feel I need some scripts in my arsenal for different situations though. 

    In this situation I assume you don't know the guy and it was not a chat up line you were going for, so the sort of small talk lines I would deploy here would be:

    1 - generic

    'Morning / afternoon, me again. How are you?

    2 - if something happened in the shop of note - shoplifter getting nicked, a drunk being thrown out etc

    You don't see that sort of thing everyday - or do you?

    3 - If they look miserable

    I don't envy doing your job and having to deal with people like me all day. How do you do it?

    4 - if you know some detal about them - eg they are working on a project 

    Hows the project going? I'm amazed you have the energy for it after working here all day.

    If you can make small talk a special interest then it gets so much easier - there are loads of resources out there that give tips and suggestions but normally you need to look at a situation (eg waiting in line in the shop) and think how to adapt one of these possible options to the situation in hand.

    It is a bit like working out a puzzle - if you can gamify it then it actually becomes fun to see if you can get a conversation going.

    The occasional mess up is entirely to be expected but analise this afterwards and work out if you made a mistake, if there was a factor you missed or if the person was just neurotypical.

Children
  • in reply to Iain
    Iain said:
    In this situation I assume you don't know the guy and it was not a chat up line you were going for

    Nope Joy can’t say it was. My plan is to learn small talk to a point where it becomes more habitual and routine so that I can personally feel a bit more involved in life and the lives of others instead of constantly being on the outside looking in. It’s about breaking out of my comfort zone in small controlled steps to hopefully achieve a more positive association with conversations with strangers or those I do not know too well. As always  thank you for your advice.