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lonely

whitesnowfox45

im so lonely from moving out on my own. I don't live in the UK but found that people in the UK are more honest then the Americans! I moved out in April of this year, I'm 33 and have aspergers, I don't have any friends and my coworkers tend to ignore me or act like I don't exist except for one person I've grown close to, he is very good at listening and not judging.

I used to have a routine , I would get up take out the pup and bring him inside and feed him. then I would start making breakfast and getting my mom and younger sisters lunch together, dads to if he didn't go out. then I would clean the house while everyone left for school and work. I work Thursday thru Monday and have two days off. I now live on my own and have fish but I work second shift and when I get home there is no one to talk to, everyone is asleep. I love my fish but its not working , at work I also work alone every day so there isn't any one to talk to there. most texts between my mom and I now center around money, she can see my bank account for other reasons I don't want to get into yet, but its like even though Im not there every thing I do is questioned and picked apart and when I try to pull back a little she gets upset. my three sisters rarely speak to me, most times they read the messages but don't reply. I know Im annoying I'm told that often enough, but I'm so so sad and lonely. I feel so lost and alone, and like no one is there for me. I finally got time off work to go to a family dinner, but it will be loud and I know most of the members there wont speak to me, I kinda just stay in the background. I thought moving out would be easier on me, freedom to do what I want when I want. but instead I'm alone and sad and sometimes forget to eat, the last week or so I haven't ate breakfast. I over sleep and still am tired, I get a energy drink and go to work, sometimes drinking two of them a day. I have to listen how my managers nephew with autism (8 years old) does this and that and be compared to that on a daily basis. I try not to watch a lot of tv, I haven't had my tv on in a week or so I just use my phone. 

I guess what I'm saying is I dont know what to do. I'm told that this is normal and I'll "get used to it" but shouldnt that be gone already then? 

  • Hi and welcome to the community. Other members have already posted some advice, and I can't think of anything more to add at the moment - but I hope this forum helps you feel less lonely.

  • Do you have a special interest that is something you can join with others who are interested in that too? For instance if a person liked knitting they could join a community group for knitters, or if someone liked nature join a group of walkers in your local are that walk in nature or those who look after a park or pond. 

    Not great examples but perhaps you get the picture, use your special interest to meet people. 

    I live alone and love it. I do have a few friends though through my special interest (God - so church groups). 

  • The freedom to do what you want means you need to know what you want and to have the motivation to do it. It is easier as you have no pressure and don't answer to anyone, but harder as it is just you.

    Stress from coping with others in your space or loneliness from being stress free. These are lifestyle options. The ideal, to have a partner that lives with you and gives you space is hard to find for many. Like everything in life it is a question of compromise and there is no perfect answer. In a world where you are told you are entitled to everything you want, it is hard to discover this is a lie.

    I would be careful about cutting yourself off. Watch some TV to see people and keep up with the world. Have the radio on. Don't just sit in silence. Limit time on the internet, use it for productive means, such as gaining knowledge (from reputable sources), planning things, and indulging special interests.

    Online friends are ok, but real world interactions also matter.

    Try to go out, to a coffee shop or bar, or just somewhere there people. Going regularly means you may get to know people.

    Try to find some things to do, like gym, sports, volunteering, something to have non-work related activities.

    I know this is all hard. I have the same problem, but it does not change what is the right answer.

    It is not just a ND issue either, as society in general is becoming too isolated as each individual stands as an island and struggles to build bridges to others. What connections there are can be weak. A selfish world does not work well for anyone really.

  • Hello  I am glad you’ve posted because there’s a lot of fellow autistic individuals in a similar boat and also a lot of us are lonely too. It’s a big change going from a house full of family to a house perhaps quieter and not so full of the old energy you are used to. I felt this way when I first left the family home, I didn’t have space for a cooker because it was a small bedsit, a portion of a large house sectioned off with only 2-3 rooms. Working a lot is surely to stump any social life you may try to acquire especially if you are working extra hours but personally I find that reaching out on a place like this is helpful. You may not have the face to face connection with others but there is someone listening to you, you know?