I'm really shaken. I haven't experienced something like this for about 10 years and it felt a lot worse as an adult and I feel awful for it.
On Thursday I was slightly concerned about a chest pain I'd been having (which turned out to be nothing in the end) so I phoned the GP but they were fully booked for today and I was going away that evening for a few nights, so they told me to call 111 to describe the feeling and they'd tell me what they think I should do about it. So I called 111 and they told me to go to A&E as a "precaution". This was at about 1pm and I had a train to catch at 6, and stupidly I thought I'd be out in time because I guessed I'd just have to go through triage or something before they could tell me there was nothing abnormal about my heartrate or blood pressure or whatever.
But how wrong can a man be,,,
(BY THE WAY I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE FOR THIS. I know the insane pressure that's on the NHS and how hard the staff work and I'm very thankful for them, but of course you can't prevent a meltdown just by using reason.)
After 3-4 hours in the waiting room I started to get anxious because I knew I would have to completely change my schedule that I had carefully planned. I got really fidgety and irritated by things around me and apparently started using the wrong tone with my mother who was there with me. I excused myself to go to the toilet because I needed to be on my own, and when I shut the door I just completely lost my *** - crying, shouting, punching myself and eventually curled in on myself on the floor until my mum found me when it was my turn to see the doctor.
They checked all my signs which were fine and did an ECG too. I was promised I could go home straight after they checked the results because they couldn't see any issues, but then the doctor said there was a slight abnormality so I couldn't go yet because he had to do another blood test on me. I'd more than had enough by then because it had been 5 hours or more (and yes I know that is normal for A&E but it doesn't matter when you're about to have a meltdown), but luckily he said he'd get the results within the hour and I could go then. And I was able to wait in the IV room where it was quieter.
That was at about 7pm I ended up waiting over 2 hours. After an hour passed, I was seriously anxious and as time went on it got worse and I couldn't stop crying. My mum went to ask the doctor (politely of course) how much longer he thinks it might take) and he said it was still processing, and at that point I went out there and started pleading with him and my mum to let us go home because I just couldn't take it anymore. He said it would be done in 20 minutes but I couldn't even accept that at that moment, and I was crying so hard and all I could say was I need to go home, quite loudly but I just couldn't care less.
I went into the toilet again and suppressed the screaming as much as I could. also hitting myself so hard that the marks are still there. There was this awful feeling that made me desperate to get out of my body but there was just nothing I could do of course. At least there was a light switch so I could lay on the floor and cry in complete darkness for a little bit of relief. After a bit more than 20 minutes I went and asked if it was ready yet but I was told to wait "a few more minutes", but at that point I didn't believe them. I was just saying over and over that I need to go home and there was no reasoning with me even though there was literally nothing that could be done about it. I ran back to the toilet for a while an kept violently hitting myself and kicking the walls etc.
Eventually they said I could go and wait in the car with my mum which I did but it didn't really help since all I wanted was to go home. I literally ran out of there, all the way to the car, shut the door and screamed bloody murder in there. My mum caught up and I kept going, frustrated as hell that nobody could understand me. Not long after, the doctor called my mum (he took her number before we went) and said all was fine so we could go home.
I started to calm down then. But now I have to deal with the aftermath. My mum reminded me later that I was screaming at her while she was trying to talk to me and I've been trying to explain to her that there was nothing I could do about it at the time. No one is used to me having a meltdown, because I always get described as "high functioning" I'm not expected to have meltdowns at all (even though I do on occasion. I contain them until I'm alone.) In the middle of the meltdown she was saying stuff like "you're not special", "everyone is in this together", "they're working as fast as they can" and also reminded me of the guy who said he'd been there for 24 hours in the IV room. But a meltdown doesn't care what's causing it.
I feel awful now. I'm so embarrassed. I'm 18 and everyone saw me crying uncontrollably to my mum and that poor doctor, not taking anything for an answer. I just didn't care. I'm scared something like that will happen again.
