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At a friends party

aurelis

I’m currently at a friends party. I’m learning to not feel as if I need to perform whilst there, but it feels exhausting to not be able to feel like I can naturally connect in the way others can. I want to, but I don’t want to. Good and bad thing is that my unmasking involves being very quiet, which works well to relax, but it’s also a mask too. 

I know that if I get really excited in a space, I can end up losing control of myself. For example, I saw apples on a tree in the garden where everyone is, and went straight to thinking impulsively of making an apple crumble in the house. I had to stop myself because it seemed excessive, but it felt as if I did that, I wouldn’t feel so “left out”.

I left the space where everyone was just to find time in a quiet space to decompress (the bathroom). I feel as if people are making many memories and I’m struggling to engage.

My dream would be to host a party where I can invite and bring people together, but I really don’t know if I’ll be able to do it. Especially to be able to do it and feel relaxed.

Parents

  • Have you thought about asking your friend if you can help them with anything at the party - maybe collect some bowls which had sharing foods like crisps and help top them up and return them to where they are accessible to guests?

    I find a task like that can help me to feel re-connected to the friend I know who hosts the party, it gives me a legitimate busyness away from the hubbub for a moment or two and then all you need to do is smile as you replace the bowls etc. - plus, you are being helpful which can be grounding and I also feel less pressure to participate in as much chatter - as I have participated in the party another way - albeit, a bit more on my terms.

  • in reply to DormouseAtRest_25

    I didn’t think if that to be honest, it might’ve helped to do that. I think I was too overwhelmed and trying to get through it. I helped a little with putting things away though.

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