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Feeling Disheartened

Crystal

I wasn't sure whether to post, but does anyone else struggle with finding genuine friends?     Lately i seem to spend a lot of time listening to friends issues, but I feel it's not reciprocated as much.   I won't say more as it's too depressing to dwell on.    

I'm not sure how much this is to do with autism, as I was only recently diagnosed.    

Parents

  • Do you offer much, or are you waiting for them to ask?

    Remember, problems with social cues and reading people is an autistic trait. You can be good at listening and asking questions of others but struggle to talk about yourself. This was one of my problems, I shared little of myself as it was hard to be vulnerable. I have finally almost cured it, I can now talk about myself without issue but it has taken 50 years. I have to try not to overshare now.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    Thanks for replying  , it just always seems to happen that others share with me so I listen, but sometimes I just don't know when to share back.    Either I feel I'm talking too much if i try, but mostly I'm too slow to process what to share so I listen again and get exhausted!   

    I think you're right that it can be hard to be vulnerable.   But I think I'm missing some social cues and masking.     

  • in reply to Crystal

    Just to say, I do find people mostly interesting.   But sometimes I feel acutely alone through not being heard.

    I'm grateful to you for sharing.

  • in reply to Crystal

    This means it is not a problem of finding genuine friends, it's a communication issue.  You can't make friends if they don't know you. This means being a bit vulnerable. You have to be careful about not getting stressed by feedback or criticism, hopefully they will mostly be supportive, but friends make friendly fun of each other and have little digs. You probably noticed that they do that to each other. It can be hard to be part of. But don't over analyse it, just smile and move on. Don't be over sensitive.. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

      , you're right, that is what's been happening and it's tiring.   I do find one to one easier.    I usually don't like groups.

  • in reply to Crystal

    If you are masking you will be paying attention to get info so you can fit in better in future. This means you will struggle to be ready to speak and will worry about saying something wrong.

    If they are not autistic and they don't know you are then communication will be a bit less natural. You will have to make it more obvious you want to say something. One on one will be easier.

Reply
  • in reply to Crystal

    If you are masking you will be paying attention to get info so you can fit in better in future. This means you will struggle to be ready to speak and will worry about saying something wrong.

    If they are not autistic and they don't know you are then communication will be a bit less natural. You will have to make it more obvious you want to say something. One on one will be easier.

Children
  • in reply to Crystal

    This means it is not a problem of finding genuine friends, it's a communication issue.  You can't make friends if they don't know you. This means being a bit vulnerable. You have to be careful about not getting stressed by feedback or criticism, hopefully they will mostly be supportive, but friends make friendly fun of each other and have little digs. You probably noticed that they do that to each other. It can be hard to be part of. But don't over analyse it, just smile and move on. Don't be over sensitive.. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

      , you're right, that is what's been happening and it's tiring.   I do find one to one easier.    I usually don't like groups.