Following from a discussion on this discussion about the way threads are locked or removed when someone if offended by the content which remain within the rules ( Why Did Number Leave This Place? ) I thought it worth having a poll to see if there in an interest in requesting a change to the way these posts are moderated.
Thank you for that. Say it took me some time to come on here and I was nervous about posting for the first time but everyone made me feel so welcomed as soon as I posted so that really helped and then I commented on posts and others commented on my posts so I felt like I was belonging but I just didn’t want everyone to blame people or get angry over something. I know we are autistics and we can react differently but I just wanted to let people know I’m sorry if I had caused all this. But everyone has been so kind and supportive to me so I am feeling better now.
If I pick the option to add a trigger warning, is it given that I would be voting also to allow the moderators to continue to use their discretion?
I think this is covered in the last option - the moderators will judge whether the label is valid / warranted and if it is then they add the text to the start of the post or the header.
All requests will be seen by the moderators anyway but so long as they meet the rules of the site then it seems reasonable to leave them in place, just with a warning.
I can see why you say that, but I hope in time, when this is all over, you can be proud of standing up for what you need.
There are likely other people viewing here, but who are not yet confident enough to post on any thread, but who will have had similar triggering experiences. I am hopeful that you will have inspired them.
I don't think you should appologise either, you asked for posts you'd made to be removed, not the whole thread to be shut down. I would question if you asking for posts to be removed was the reason the thread was shut down? Plenty of people have asked for posts to be removed and its not caused the whole thread to be shut, I think there's more to it than you.
I often feel talked down too, told off and have suffered from attempts to shame me, fortunatley I can sit on the naughty step and heckle from there!
Thank you. As I said I just didn’t want to cause a commotion that’s all and I admit I overreacted, could say that’s an automatic response of mine as I don’t like being told off or shamed and I’ve had a lot of that growing up. Probably the reason why I have EUPD!
You have no reason that I can see to blame yourself. You have been open and authentic and that is wonderful thing and I understand why the thread made you feel uncomfortable, as it did me.
I can imagine how the backlash might be making you feel, that could be distressing in itself, and I wish we could all just move onto something else.
Please keep voicing your views, as what you have to say is worth contemplating.
Thank you for getting back to me about this. I do feel bit better now. I just thought I had caused all this and I feel I’m the one who everyone should be mad at, not the mods. I understand everyone else’s reasons I just automatically thought I was to blame. I’m going through a lot at the moment lately so I’m not really all there to process things. This kitchen remodel is taking its toll on me
Look just blame me for it.
As others have said below, there is no blame here. You were triggered and took the correct action which was asking for the posts to be reviewed.
It has raised a valid subject about how we deal with threads that contain valid posts but which are triggering for some people and this is what I'm trying to get some consensus about.
If there is a significant proportion who favour one approach then I will ask the management here to take it under serious consideration, although it is ultimately their decision.
Please continue to do authentic and follow your heart.
If you hadn't said something, someone else would have exposed this eventually.
You have provided an opportunity for discussion and improvement. This is a good thing. You should be pleased. Highlighting problems pays well in many jobs.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Treat yourself to a cake or extra biscuit :-)
There are often threads I find difficult too.
Sometimes it is obvious from the subject line (so I skip those ones).
Other times a thread starts off fine then twists off down an unexpected rabbit hole and you (as just the reader) didn't realise until too late that you wish you hadn't read it at all.
Sometimes it is a tough but important thread - demanding hours / days of thoughts before you decide if you will participate in that topic at all (or just on your own terms).
Sometimes uncomfortable things are part of growing, other times they may best be left well alone. There may be a future better time to re-visit a particular topic.
Other times I might read a thread and think about things in more detail - but just monitor the discussion and debate, learning from those who have firsthand lived experience, rather than feeling ready to participate in a thread myself.
We all have different life pressures, energy levels and depths of emotion to juggle, balance and navigate.
You, equally as with everyone else here, will over time; doubtless be able to share with and teach to our community numerous things - as we support one another.
Ahh I see, that makes sense. I guess I’m still fairly new here but I do feel like a spoil spore that’s all. Guess you could blame this EUPD I recently got diagnosed with. I noticed before I joined there was a post about assisted dying but I never said anything in that because I knew I would find that very upsetting and disturbing for many personal reasons (plus I’m squeamish) but I respect everyone’s views in hope they accept I’m squeamish. Sorry if that went off topic
If people had just understood my views of why I was uncomfortable!
I believe I do get it. I sincerely hope that I do.
People are allowed to be uncomfortable - about anything which is their own perspective - that is because each person owns their own emotions.
Nobody else has the right to tell a person what or how they should / ought to feel about anything.
Blame is not relevant here and there is nothing to justify.
The recent days have highlighted an opportunity for our community to work together to explore and learn how to adapt so that we might best serve and support the whole of our community.
Thank you for your kind words Stuart, sorry I just feel such awful guilt about all this. Wish I never opened the post now if I knew all this would happen. I know you say it’s not about me but I still feel responsible and if I never said anything then non of this would have happened that’s all
This isn't about you, honest, so pleased don't beat yourself up.
It is a point of principle and about how to manage things for the best.
You just highlighted a process issue. If you worked in a corporate role this would be a good thing. It allows for continuous improvement.
Look just blame me for it. I wanted my comments removing and I couldn’t do it as I didn’t have permission so I asked the mods to do it for me. I wasn’t expecting them to lock the thread I didn’t even ask for that. I’ll send proof of my emails in screenshots if I have to! Though I would crop my email address out! I wasn’t expecting all this to happen, it’s like a volcano has erupted and it’s my fault. I wish I never voiced my views now I thought that what the forum was about. I can’t help but feel responsible but must it be rubbed in my face? If people had just understood my views of why I was uncomfortable!
