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Increasing confidence

aimosan

I have an occupational therapist, who my employers give me time to go off and see, and she has advised I should do more arts and crafts as this will help relax me and build my self esteem.  I am good at arts and crafts, I just never feel like I have the time, or feel like what's the point, but I know it's probably my low self esteem talking.

It is hard to keep your self esteem up when you are surrounded by 'normal' people who can do 'simple' tasks and you can't.  My colleagues were confused with me this morning because I couldn't read out a PDF document in front of 5 people.  I've never done that before, especially with strangers!  So, in time it wears you down and I continue to feel like I'm stupid...

Has anyone else come across anything that is good for lifting their self esteem?  Being female on the spectrum people give me tips like 'have a pampering session' or something similar, but it can either involve other people, involve things I've never come across before, or confusing instructions, or my OCD/anxiety/attention span gets in the way so I don't think that is going to work for me.

  • Do you have a "special interest" if so you might seek a venue by which your accomplishments in this field can be validated.

  • Chaffinch, Coogybear, thank you so much for the tips!

    aimosan, I know how it feels. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hi aimosan

    I think self-esteem is connected to expressing yourself as an individual, and that involves knowing yourself and what you like personally.  When you're doing what you enjoy, it boosts your self-esteem without you thinking about it. But it really is a very individual thing: Winston Churchill, for example, when he wanted to relax and be alone to think, used to design his garden and do bricklaying.

    I'm a female with Aspergers, and I can think of nothing worse than being told to 'have a pampering session' or massage or whatever, not because I'm an Aspie, but because I'm a person who doesn't like that sort of thing.  If I had to go for one, I'd be bored and irritated and it would do nothing for my self-esteem. But the point I'm making is that it isn't a problem, it is a personal preference.

  • Hi Aimosan,

    I hear where you are coming from. It sounds like a bit of a catch 22, however in order to break the cycle you will have to extend yourself. By that I mean expose yourself to new experiences. For most on the Spectrum the fear of doing something is often greater than the experience itself. You may fear a massage or reiki, but you have to experience it first to know whether it is helpful. You may find it's the best thing you've ever experienced, but not to know is a greater regret. I find it's always best to warn the practitioner that you are on the spectrum or better still find one who regularly treats those with ASD. We have an excellent osteopath who's treating our son for his anxiety related illness and the reason she is so affective is that she has a brother on the spectrum and is autism aware.

    She warns my son when she's going to touch him and talks him through the whole treatment. Very reassuring.

    I know it's easier said than done, but these experiences are a very personal thing. You have to choose what's right for you.

    If you prefer to start with more meditation style approaches mindfullness is something which can be done alone and may help you become aware of when your anxiety levels are escalating. Any form of relaxation recording can be of help to calm you and maybe a good starting point to progress onto more physical therapies if you find them challenging. Do try a little research or ask someone to help you research whats involved with these suggested therapies. It will help allay your fears.

    I wish you luck

    Kind Regards

    Coogybear XX