Newly diagnosed, people dropping away

I think there is quite a lot to be said for "quality" over "quantity" when it comes to being fortunate with friendships.

As Roy touched on; the potential encounter on sharing your news of "You don't look autistic!", or similar variations, can be worth a bit of thought.  It is all too tempting to retort with with the well-worn "Well you don't look ignorant, but there you go!".

This video does a sensitive job of introducing everyone to a wide array of Autistic adults (we are not "Barbie", or "Ken" etc. - there is not one stereotypical way to be an Autistic person and we don't arrive neatly packaged in a box labelled "Autistic"). 

The video was produced to try and introduce:

- examples of the diversity of Autistic adults people might meet,

- to help those going through the diagnosis process, or who have newly been diagnosed as Autistic adults: to understand more about Autism, and

- to help Autistic adults consider some other strategies for talking about themselves, of which a part is their individual Autism experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuHmStt7F3c

I feel a bit, well, sad / upset / disappointed - when someone in my workplace / community or social group / circle of family or friends tells me about their colleague, acquaintance, friend, or relative, (by way of only introduction information), by saying literally only: "she / he / they are Autistic". 

That is sometimes, really, all you get - every time they subsequently mention the person -"of course, you know, they are Autistic".  As though that lets them off the hook for bothering to find out more than "Autistic"?

At which point I hear (just in my head; my own thoughts / exasperated scream) ...of: "What ELSE are they?  They are unlikely to ONLY be Autistic!  What do they like, love, or hate?  What are their aspirations, ambitions, hopes and dreams?  What are they good at?  What constraints might they manage?  What adjustments would they welcome on a good day?  What support helps them cope best on a bad day?  Who is the character within and without?  What makes the person happy or sad?"

I don't put it like that to the person speaking about the Autistic person - and even better would be to hear the Autistic person's "owned" story, "first-hand" from them - whatever they choose to share - by their own communication means of choice. 

However, I will hope to learn, apart from being an Autistic person ...what ELSE makes "THEM", the vibrant INDIVIDUAL they likely might be?

Particularly grim; is if the person being referred to is actually a child or young person - I am confident they are not ONLY "a label". 

That really makes me feel cross - please don't let anyone give a label as an excuse, or the power, or the dismissal route - for adults to squash the character etc. out of our youngest neurodivergent people within society.  I believe that is one of the ways how unhealthy masking is reinforced.

I like how this video ends by reminding those of us newly diagnosed, (or diagnosed as Adults):

- everyone (Autistic, or not) has their own strengths / weaknesses,

- each person has their role to play and their contribution to share,

- things which don't stress Autistic people may be exactly what stresses a non-Autistic person (and vice versa),

- don't compare yourself with other people (Autistic, or non-Autistic).

Anyway, I found some value in the video - hoping some others may do so likewise.

I think there is quite a lot to be said for "quality" over "quantity" when it comes to being fortunate with friendships.

As Roy touched on; the potential encounter on sharing your news of "You don't look autistic!", or similar variations, can be worth a bit of thought.  It is all too tempting to retort with with the well-worn "Well you don't look ignorant, but there you go!".

This video does a sensitive job of introducing everyone to a wide array of Autistic adults (we are not "Barbie", or "Ken" etc. - there is not one stereotypical way to be an Autistic person and we don't arrive neatly packaged in a box labelled "Autistic"). 

The video was produced to try and introduce:

- examples of the diversity of Autistic adults people might meet,

- to help those going through the diagnosis process, or who have newly been diagnosed as Autistic adults: to understand more about Autism, and

- to help Autistic adults consider some other strategies for talking about themselves, of which a part is their individual Autism experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuHmStt7F3c

I feel a bit, well, sad / upset / disappointed - when someone in my workplace / community or social group / circle of family or friends tells me about their colleague, acquaintance, friend, or relative, (by way of only introduction information), by saying literally only: "she / he / they are Autistic". 

That is sometimes, really, all you get - every time they subsequently mention the person -"of course, you know, they are Autistic".  As though that lets them off the hook for bothering to find out more than "Autistic"?

At which point I hear (just in my head; my own thoughts / exasperated scream) ...of: "What ELSE are they?  They are unlikely to ONLY be Autistic!  What do they like, love, or hate?  What are their aspirations, ambitions, hopes and dreams?  What are they good at?  What constraints might they manage?  What adjustments would they welcome on a good day?  What support helps them cope best on a bad day?  Who is the character within and without?  What makes the person happy or sad?"

I don't put it like that to the person speaking about the Autistic person - and even better would be to hear the Autistic person's "owned" story, "first-hand" from them - whatever they choose to share - by their own communication means of choice. 

However, I will hope to learn, apart from being an Autistic person ...what ELSE makes "THEM", the vibrant INDIVIDUAL they likely might be?

Particularly grim; is if the person being referred to is actually a child or young person - I am confident they are not ONLY "a label". 

That really makes me feel cross - please don't let anyone give a label as an excuse, or the power, or the dismissal route - for adults to squash the character etc. out of our youngest neurodivergent people within society.  I believe that is one of the ways how unhealthy masking is reinforced.

I like how this video ends by reminding those of us newly diagnosed, (or diagnosed as Adults):

- everyone (Autistic, or not) has their own strengths / weaknesses,

- each person has their role to play and their contribution to share,

- things which don't stress Autistic people may be exactly what stresses a non-Autistic person (and vice versa),

- don't compare yourself with other people (Autistic, or non-Autistic).

Anyway, I found some value in the video - hoping some others may do so likewise.