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Newly diagnosed, people dropping away

Chloe1980

Has anyone else found since diagnosis that people dropping away as you start to unmask? I’m actually thinking that the only person I’ll be left with is my 9 year old daughter and one or two friends. It’s shocking me to realise how many layers of masking there is and I keep peeling away more and more and of people don’t completely drop away then they go quiet, family, friends , acquaintances, in a way sometimes it’s a relief but it’s also lonely and scary but now I’m unmasking I can’t revert back as I now thats all fake and so meaningless. I’m questioning everything, all the weight I’ve carried all these years and all I wnat to do is protect my daughter as I’m pretty sure she is autistic too, she’s on the waiting list for assessment. Maybe she’s all I need, maybe it’s okay to be alone at least for now, maybe to speak your truth finds your true people , maybe what you think is family are strangers. It’s a very strange time.

Parents

  • Hi, sorry you are going through this, you’re not alone. I’m recently diagnosed and have found very similar reactions from family and  friends. I am very lucky that my partner is now accepting me as autistic, she is a nurse and seems to accept something better if it’s been formally done and written in black & white.

    I don’t think I’ve had a positive comment from anyone else, it can be quite lonely, people think they know you, when you suddenly change, they don’t seem to understand it, it’s met with scepticism. I  feel if I had told someone I had been diagnosed with cancer, they would show at least compassion and not dispute the diagnosis.

    I’ve explained that I’ve had all the tests and interviews for autism and I am formally diagnosed, why do people then dispute that diagnosis?

    Other neurodivergent people seem to understand without question, I told a neurodivergent friend who I don’t see very often, I joked and softened the news with, “I know, I don’t look autistic.” He just replied with, “ I know, it’s all part of the mask.” I almost actually cried.

    I’m learning who I want or need in my life, you will loose people along the way, you will also find your people.

Reply

  • Hi, sorry you are going through this, you’re not alone. I’m recently diagnosed and have found very similar reactions from family and  friends. I am very lucky that my partner is now accepting me as autistic, she is a nurse and seems to accept something better if it’s been formally done and written in black & white.

    I don’t think I’ve had a positive comment from anyone else, it can be quite lonely, people think they know you, when you suddenly change, they don’t seem to understand it, it’s met with scepticism. I  feel if I had told someone I had been diagnosed with cancer, they would show at least compassion and not dispute the diagnosis.

    I’ve explained that I’ve had all the tests and interviews for autism and I am formally diagnosed, why do people then dispute that diagnosis?

    Other neurodivergent people seem to understand without question, I told a neurodivergent friend who I don’t see very often, I joked and softened the news with, “I know, I don’t look autistic.” He just replied with, “ I know, it’s all part of the mask.” I almost actually cried.

    I’m learning who I want or need in my life, you will loose people along the way, you will also find your people.

Children
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