Newly diagnosed, people dropping away

Hello Chloe1980

I am starting to find this as well. I am recently diagnosed. I had been that caught up on unmasking and trying to identify how and when I do it I have started to realise it’s happening naturally for me. This is quite scary as for a very long time I wasn’t aware I was even masking, this now makes me super conscious when I am masking. I have been told by close ones that I am very vacant and show no emotion, even my 10yr old son who is diagnosed autistic said he wants his dad back. That’s upsetting to hear as I pride myself on being a good parent. 
Sure I have friends but most are not real friends and I’m not exactly 100% sure of what the actual definition of a friend means. 
I have a lot of time alone as I work a lot of the time for myself, this gives me peace and keeps me relatively calm. 
I do have a good friend that supports me and I support him which I am very grateful for, we don’t go out or anything like that (so if that still counts as a friend then that’s great). 
friends that I have and known though my partner I have all but written off, they are very different from me and have disappointed me hugely in the past with some things that they have done wrong which has made me question their morals. It’s a shame but I can’t feel connected to individuals who selfish and don’t consider their own actions. I just don’t feel able to talk that much anymore and I certainly don’t share their interests and outlook. I have a holiday approaching and have to spend 10 days with them which is going to be tough.

My relationship is all but disappeared as I am not treated in a nice way, constantly being pushed around (not physically), told how I should look happier, constantly invalidated and generally suffer emotionally from a constant barrage of abuse. I have not disclosed my diagnosis to my partner for reasons that I won’t bore you with but she would not be supportive anyway and I even think revealing would work against me. 

Think I have probably over shared here so I do apologise but I just wanted you to know that I understand about feeling like your circle of friends or even family is rapidly shrinking.

I do like what you said about “speaking your truth finds your true people”. I am sure that is a good place to start, some people will appreciate that and I’m sure there are some that won’t but it’s a quality that I admire.

good luck with your journey 

Take5 said:

I have not disclosed my diagnosis to my partner

That sounds a tough place in which to be - I do understand and really respect you having shared that life choice though.

If the Autism assessment / diagnosis process / evidence constraints for later adults - were to have been available to me and in practical terms been structured differently - I suspect I might well have preferred to opt for a similar route myself.

The current NHS / Right To Choose process and obsession / requirements around other relatives as "informants" really does not sufficiently respect the human rights, safeguarding and confidentiality of the adult (as an individual) being assessed (it really doesn't necessarily failsafe in all adult / elderly relative / life partner real World scenarios and considerations).

I agree totally. I nearly didn’t use an informant at all! Obviously my partner was out of the question although her relaying all the things that annoy her about me would have been useful information. I used my mum as my informant, it was hard for me to approach this as I knew she might blame herself in some way for not recognising in my younger years and then there is the possibility she might recognise traits within herself that might trigger a journey for her, I didn’t want to highlight it for her sake. Anyway she did it and I was very proud of her and grateful. 

I agree totally. I nearly didn’t use an informant at all! Obviously my partner was out of the question although her relaying all the things that annoy her about me would have been useful information. I used my mum as my informant, it was hard for me to approach this as I knew she might blame herself in some way for not recognising in my younger years and then there is the possibility she might recognise traits within herself that might trigger a journey for her, I didn’t want to highlight it for her sake. Anyway she did it and I was very proud of her and grateful. 

I know, she was pleased I shared my experiences with her so it was okay. I’m very lucky to have nice supportive parents.

Well done to your Mum!  That can't have been an easy experience.