I struggled on Friday and Saturday.
I couldn't be bothered with breakfast today, just had a banana, then went to my coffee shop like usual, which is normally quiet. There were 4 small children in there that made a lot noise, then some cyclists came in and blinded me with a light. Maybe because I am paying attention now it seemed quite stressful.
I went into my local church. I've never done it before. I've gone past it everyday for 28 years. The oldest bits are about 850 years old, but the site may have been used long before that. It's rural so the door is open and no-one is in there, you can just sit by yourself and no-one comes.
I decided on Saturday night I'd go see if maybe god loved me. I've been alone for so long and have neglect and other issues. My psychologists noted I have issues.
I got quite emotional, which was surprising and cried for 20 mins. I say there for 2 and a half hours just thinking and listening to the bells every 15 mins.
I missed the 4 0'clock bells, but I think I sometimes may dissociate.
I felt better after sitting quietly with my eyes closed.
I'm in the pub now, on my own, but I just had 2 beers and some roast beef.
