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Dating Neurotypicals - no ''spark'' comments

NAS92621

So I have recently been diagnosed with Autism last year (age 36M) and I have never had a problem getting dates or even the dates themselves (dates always goes well, conversation flows etc).

Yet again I get the same old comment of no ''spark'' and I feel somewhat this relates to my trouble regarding identifying social cues.

Modern dating is brutal, it feels like an interview - what happened to getting to know someone organically? When does one reveal their diagnosis to a potential date?

How do you all find dating whilst being Autistics?

  • in reply to Iain

    Thanks for your reply! Any good book reconmendations to learn more about social cues? That would be fab!

  • in reply to Bunny

    From my research hiki has predatory subscription prices, limited coverage and reports of toxic behaviour.

  • NAS92621 said:
    Yet again I get the same old comment of no ''spark'' and I feel somewhat this relates to my trouble regarding identifying social cues

    Have you tried making understanding this social interaction a special interest? There are plenty of sites which cover it, not to mention books galore so there is ample material to educate yourself with.

    My thoughts on the subject are that the other half of the date is looking for a shared "vibe" which they will probably only get from another NT person so it helps to try to position yourself as something a bit different to the mainstream.

    A mistake I made when I was younger was not asking enough questions about the other person and following up on them. This is a skill fairly easy to learn (harder to put into practice) which involves showing an interest in the other person.

    We seem more interested in talking about ourselves it seems as it is something we know a lot about.

    Does any of this resonate?

    NAS92621 said:
    Modern dating is brutal, it feels like an interview

    In most cases it is, and this is because of the abundance of choice thanks to dating apps.

    To navigate this successfully you need to know what sort of questions will be asked and be sure you can answer them confidently but without boasting. Using the skills you learned earlier it helps to be able to give an answer and then turn it into a question for the other person when you have said enough - this takes practice to feel natural.

  • Hi and welcome to the community! Slight smile

    I don’t have any experience of trying to date post-diagnosis, but perhaps you might like to consider seeking dates who are also either autistic or neurodivergent in other ways.

    For example, the Hiki dating app specifically caters to this audience:

    Hiki - Friendship & love for the Autistic, ADHD, and all Neurodivergent community

    Mattr also describes itself as being an inclusive space, including for neurodivergent people. However, it says that it only covers London at the moment:

    Mattr.social

  • Sounds like you are doing all the right things, putting yourself out there, trying it and really giving it your all. Have you tried online dating sites? Sometimes your one and only is waiting just for a message!