Feeling others emotions in the room

Yes I try to let the other person go through the crying process because I know it usually feels better after a good cry. But when my eyes fill up too I feel like I’m stealing their moment. I usually hope the person doesn’t notice too much. 

agreed, there is a degree of contagion and some people are just bad to be with - I am also conscious of myself being that person sometimes!

I would also add that some people are damn tough to just be around due to the negative energy they give out. This energy transfers to the room, to you and even others which then taints the entire experience. This repeated exposure to the “wrong” types of people leads to a burnout and resistance or even refusal to be in their presence any longer. This is especially difficult in the work place, it has such a direct impact on mental health and can drop confidence levels to new lows.

I noticed Damo wrote almost the exact same as me as a reply, was quite confused. I know a few people who I’d say are very draining to be around because they are presenting a side to them that doesn’t match their behaviours. 

Because some people are just like that, if you feel drained of energy from being around someone or a group of people then you're easier to manipulate. Some people are just sh1ts. 

this for me is a hypervigilance thing associated to relative levels of stress and anxiety - if I find that I am especially sensitive in this way it probably is me being hyper stressed (funnily enough I don't often find it easy to acknowledge this as I have been metaphorically swimming in an ocean of it for a long time so don't realise that I am getting wet!)  What I think I may be alluding to here is that inner calmness has different levels - what one thinks of as being calm may not be as calm as one imagines.  So, prevention being better than cure and it is not possible to know something one does not know, exploring strategies which claim to explore a deeper level of calm can be enlightening.  Then there is the hard thing of self monitoring - it can be that events take place that only much later one realises have caused distress so it is difficult to identify cause and effect because of the (warning show-off clever word coming up!) temporal separation.  I have for a profession made it my career to attempt to help people who exhibit this sort of energy (from behind a white coat) - help can resolve the problem at source... sometimes....  However is not without risk to oneself and needs care in order not to be caught up in collateral damage - especially since autism comes with an apparent deficit in social communication capability that appears to insulate neurotypical people from harm somewhat.  There is a strategy that is encouraged for communication with autistic people "ask, listen, do"  - this might be worth exploring with the neurotypicals too.  Careful with it tho'... I would recommend that in the "do" part one also concludes that doing nothing (at least until the time is most optimal) is a perfectly valid thing.

Yes, I do. I just posted my own question about this and then saw yours:)

Fascinating stuff, how could someone do that to another person? Do tell!

Fascinating stuff, why would someone do that to another person?

If someone tells me directly, what they are going through, i can imagine it like my own situation. But like that, sitting in the same room with someone - no, I don't feel and don't get bothered by someone's stress, unless it's very disruptive. Like my colleague with borderline throwing things around - yes, then it's stress because of the noise and mess. I had situations,  where I sat next to someone (colleague or family member) a third person entered the room and asked the person next to me "hey, what's up?" And I was amazed, what's going on, why they ask, something happened etc. Only then I understood,  that the person sitting next to me was sad or angry. But I myself didn't catch it st all. Now im a bit better at recognising moods, still make mistakes and misinterpret, still need additional information or guidance or hear, that im sad, angry or argumentative,  when I don't recognise it in myself. 

Some people are real energy vampires too, they seem to seek out empathic people to leach off them, when I become aware of people doing that I make myself "taste" horrible, I concentrate on giving out an aura that smessl like the bottom of the bin on a hot day, they soon find someone else to leech off.

Thank you for that Iain, was reading the second article but it was quite difficult for me to understand. It’s simply enough to read but using my mind to distinguish between the two and their differences not so much. Cognitive would be ones own acknowledgment that someone is feeling a certain way from the way of you naturally  perceive them (factual without the feeling/emotion) and emotional empathy is a feeling you get perhaps when you can physically experience and see that persons upset, as in they a would be outwardly expressing that by crying etc provoking a response from your own emotions? 

The feelings I get from people allow me to quickly box them into worth while or not, sounds harsh and maybe exaggerated but first impressions are everything to me. I personally don’t give people 2nd chances anymore. 

Seems it’s quite common for autistic people to be hyper sensitive to others emotions. Using the word aura definitely fits the description for the sense well. For me it feels like the person is shaking or almost going to explode or perhaps that’s the perceived emotion they may be feeling, maybe I am overwhelmed by it myself. I’m not sure it’s empathy in the way that I understand or feel bad for the individuals though, it’s more of an electrical feeling in the air - an atmosphere or unsettled unpredictability. 

I'm finding it really hard to watch the news from Gaza, it's really sickening, this is a totally man made disaster, it's cruel beyond belief.

When someone cries in my company I let them, crying can be a good thing, a release and I think not trying to stop them, but giving them a calm and supportive place to release their emotions is good.

Ooo me, me! This is one of the reasons why I dread meeting new people, because I don’t know what kind of vibe or emotions they are going to give off.

I've been called an empath too, I've always been this way and can't imagine how other's can't not feel stuff. It was helpful when I was counselling, and when I was working in the retreat house, but a lot of the time it's pretty overwhelming. It's one reason why I live in the country, fewer people with auras like battering rams.

It can be quite triggering too, sometimes I don't know if I've done something wrong or if I'm just on the recieveing end of someones anger or hurt. It's alright if I'm in the right frame of mind to not take it personally, but when I'm just bimbling along in my own little world and someone unconciously intrudes on it, it's unsettling.

Autismman said:

Would it be a typical human social response to imitate or mimic their behaviour back at them or an autistic behaviour do you think? 

It is for empathic people as we tend to attune to their emotions and often find outselves subconciously mimicing them. 

I notice that only about 1% of the population are empaths ( https://genuineempath.com/how-rare-is-an-empath/ ) which could indicate that autists are more likely to be one since it is an autistic trait.

There is an interesting article on it here:

https://www.simplypsychology.org/empathy-and-autism.html

Iain said:

so picking up on the feeling without realising it will often have you mirroring it to them as well.

That’s an interesting insight, something I had never considered. Would it be a typical human social response to imitate or mimic their behaviour back at them or an autistic behaviour do you think? 

That’s really interesting, busy environments especially closed off ones like house parties or family events I dread and they almost feel like a chore to get out of the way. Just too much small talk expected, on a good day I can last an hour before retreating to somewhere quiet or sit on my phone checking Wikipedia for random bits of information that I want to learn about. Reading the room could replace other senses, they say when people go blind their hearing can be better etc