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How to access one’s true feelings

aurelis

My masking has led me to be very much to trying to please people, and feelings such as opening up about romantic feelings for someone has been so buried that I don’t even know how to access those feelings. I’m slowly getting better but I’ve buried them under nice sounding phrases like “I’m taking my time” and “I’m not ready yet”.

I really find such feelings, and even feelings that express anger and frustration hard to access in the moment, because I’m used to masking to something more acceptable. Which means often I retreat into my head and go silent until there’s a safer space to express feelings.

I feel all this bottling of feelings about many things makes me feel as if I’ve left parts of myself in different points in the timeline of my life, and I feel unable to grow. I opened up to a counsellor about this today and the thought of opening up on this made me feel for a brief moment that there could be hope for being able to have a relationship.

Recently, I’ve been close to defeat, knowing that my people pleasing and my struggle to access my real emotions block me from being able to even go forward with a relationship, and I would really like that. I would love to try.

i don’t know if this resonates with anyone…

Parents

  • I would try not to pressure yourself too much, I know this is basic and default sounding advice but these things take time (more copy and paste advice) Feelings are there for us to judge what is the best decision to make so don’t rush and take your time in figuring out what works best for you. Give yourself a break most importantly and remember you also deserve that as much as anyone else. People pleasing is something I’ve been guilty of doing most of my life because I didn’t wish to rock the boat or say/do the wrong thing to get negative attention or judgement. I felt I was the “yes man” and wondered why everyone else seemed to be able to point blank speak their minds or do what they felt was best for them. How did they have a stronger version of themselves that came out when they needed it and how did they then sit back down and process that decision. 

  • in reply to Autismman

    I think about how people do that all the time. I also am really naive, so if there is a danger of a social situation, I really struggle to sniff it out too and respond with my feelings towards it, and then end up relying on others’ feelings, and then I just feel like a passenger to life.

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  • in reply to Autismman

    I think about how people do that all the time. I also am really naive, so if there is a danger of a social situation, I really struggle to sniff it out too and respond with my feelings towards it, and then end up relying on others’ feelings, and then I just feel like a passenger to life.

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