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Friendships

Jax

Hi All,

I haven't posted in a little bit but I wanted to talk to someone who would understand about friendships and the lack thereof.

Late diagnosed this year at 39 and I have been in what I now know is skills regression for 5 years. Throughout that time I realised that my friendships were based on shared interests and through skills regression most of those interests weren't my interest they were interests of those friends that I masked through to get connection.

Now that I can no longer do that I have lost the friends I do have because I don't do those shared things and I don't know how to maintain a friendship outside of an interest. 

I have been reading Spectrum Women: Walking to the Beat of Autism and that had a bit in there that said similar things.

I guess I am struggling because:

a) There are a couple of friends that I have semi retained and that is waning now because I don't meet up with them because I genuinely don't know what to do when I meet up with them and 

b) Now I am not masking my interests I realise I don't really have any friends who are interested in the things I am. 

Does anyone else feel this way?

Lots of love

Jax

Parents

  • Hi Jax, yes. I relate to this.

    I’m also late-diagnosed, and over time it’s become painfully clear that most of my past friendships were built around masking, shared interests that weren’t actually shared, just... tolerated. It wasn’t mutual. I adapted to what the other person wanted, without realising how much of myself I was setting aside. I just wanted connection, so I mirrored whatever shape that seemed to take.

    Now that I’m more myself, far less masking, more bare, I find I don’t know how to “do” friendship in the usual ways. I understand what you said about not knowing what to do when you meet up with someone. I’ve sat in that same confusion.

    I don’t think you’re alone in this.

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  • Hi Jax, yes. I relate to this.

    I’m also late-diagnosed, and over time it’s become painfully clear that most of my past friendships were built around masking, shared interests that weren’t actually shared, just... tolerated. It wasn’t mutual. I adapted to what the other person wanted, without realising how much of myself I was setting aside. I just wanted connection, so I mirrored whatever shape that seemed to take.

    Now that I’m more myself, far less masking, more bare, I find I don’t know how to “do” friendship in the usual ways. I understand what you said about not knowing what to do when you meet up with someone. I’ve sat in that same confusion.

    I don’t think you’re alone in this.

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