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How do I tell my kids?

Damojo

Every day now for nine months I've told myself, "Today is the day!" I want to tell my kids (two young adults) that I'm Autistic+ADHD and start unmasking more at home. I need then to understand me better, as my neurotype is often a source of tension/stress/misunderstanding/etc. It still hasn't happened. What is wrong with me that I cannot open my mouth and say the words?

My wife has offered to "introduce" the topic to ease me into it, but I feel like that option is a cop out. I should be able to do this myself. Should I take her up on her offer, or should I just keep trying? Has anyone else had "the talk" with their kids before?

  • I think the reason you are putting it off is fear. You can't control their reaction. 

    I think you are probably worrying too much and their reaction will either be interested and supportive, or fairly neutral. They may already have guessed and not be surprised.

    It doubt it will go badly, although they not see it as such big news as you do. So be prepared for it to be a bit flat, especially after building it up in your mind for so long.

    I would get your wife to help. If you were going to do it you would have done so by now. Its fine to accept help. Then you can move on.

    Good luck.

  • I would definitely accept your wife’s offer of help to discuss this with your children - it’s lovely that she wants to do this. I’m sure that the two of you together will be a great team and it to have her perspective might be helpful for your adult children. I’m sure it will be fine! The younger generation know much more about neurodiversity than their parents - they’ll probably know a lot about it already. Good luck! Let us know how it goes if you feel ok to share that.