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The fear of being perceived.

Autismman

I am sure someone posted something along the lines of this recently but a video just popped up on my recommended on YouTube about the idea that some people on the spectrum have a fear of being perceived (experienced). I wonder if this fear or uncomfortable feeling comes from mind blindness in the sense that we lack the ability to understand and imagine what others may think of us, you know if we think badly of ourselves than why would anything else think differently from that? Or is it that we don’t always want others in our space, our energy fields and domains?. Giving direct eye contact is another level of being perceived and personally that feels way too intimate as if someone can almost read my mind and if eye contact does occur I am unable to imagine what they are thinking but if anything it must be something negative. The lady who posted the video is called Mikaela Ebbesson should you wish to check her out. 

Parents

  • I do not have mind blindness, but I do have a deep fear of being overlooked while performing tasks or of public speaking (I had to do this as part of my job, but it was extremely nerve-wracking). Personally, I think it is really fear of being judged. As autistic people, we are constantly scanning what others are doing, how they are behaving and consciously trying our best to copy them in order to fit in. We are essentially playing the role of being neurotypical, we are actors. Therefore, being perceived or judged is a bit like an actor being reviewed, and many actors, like autists, are insecure. Some actors do not read reviews because they might be negative or hurtful. The day-to-day experiences of autistic people tend to reinforce that the judgments of others can be, and often are, negative and hurtful.

  • in reply to Martin

    I don't like photo's, video's or voice recordings of myself, not just because of the normal stuff like 'do I really sound like that?', but because there's something missing, I'm not a fan of photos full stop, I think I seem to have a sort of echo locator for want of a better term. But something inside me reaches out and if there's no returning echo it all wrong, it feels like theres not another person there or if I know the person, they're not there. I totally get how how non industrial people felt that someones soul had somehow been stolen. I think that for me there's much more to perception than the mearly visual, it the sense of the person, their aura, thier smell, the way air moves around them so many different things.

    I'm not fond of being watched, unless I showing someone how to do something, but being observed in general, the amount of cameras I get caught by in everyday life, the feeling that my private life isn't really private, that I may be asked to explain myself and/or judged. The only time I was happy to be watched, was when I looked up from writing an essay and found loads of birds on the window feeders and window sills all looking in and watching me with as much fascination as I watch them with.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I can relate to the photos and being recorded, I get an odd notion much like I am looking at someone else. This can happen even when I look in the mirror, I see almost a glassy eye’d person staring back and it’s hard to go “hey that’s me”. I know it’s me of course but it doesn’t stop that feeling. And o agree with the idea that there are many ways to perhaps get a feeling for a person, it’s a sixth sense if you will, maybe that type of quick analysis is helpful for people on the spectrum.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I can relate to the photos and being recorded, I get an odd notion much like I am looking at someone else. This can happen even when I look in the mirror, I see almost a glassy eye’d person staring back and it’s hard to go “hey that’s me”. I know it’s me of course but it doesn’t stop that feeling. And o agree with the idea that there are many ways to perhaps get a feeling for a person, it’s a sixth sense if you will, maybe that type of quick analysis is helpful for people on the spectrum.

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