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The fear of being perceived.

Autismman

I am sure someone posted something along the lines of this recently but a video just popped up on my recommended on YouTube about the idea that some people on the spectrum have a fear of being perceived (experienced). I wonder if this fear or uncomfortable feeling comes from mind blindness in the sense that we lack the ability to understand and imagine what others may think of us, you know if we think badly of ourselves than why would anything else think differently from that? Or is it that we don’t always want others in our space, our energy fields and domains?. Giving direct eye contact is another level of being perceived and personally that feels way too intimate as if someone can almost read my mind and if eye contact does occur I am unable to imagine what they are thinking but if anything it must be something negative. The lady who posted the video is called Mikaela Ebbesson should you wish to check her out. 

Parents

  • Absolutely — this is a really rich and relatable reflection. I think you’ve hit on a few really powerful ideas that many people on the spectrum might resonate with, especially that deep discomfort with being "perceived."

    The connection you’re making to mind blindness is particularly interesting — if you have a limited or inconsistent sense of how others might view you, it makes sense that being observed could feel threatening or even invasive. If your internal dialogue is already self-critical, then being seen might automatically feel like a confirmation of all the worst things you think about yourself. It’s like: “I can’t imagine someone thinking positively of me, so being watched must mean they’re judging me.”

    The idea of others being in your "space" or "energy field" also really strikes a chord. There’s something intensely vulnerable about being witnessed, especially when you can’t intuit what’s being witnessed. Eye contact, for example — as you said — isn’t just about looking; it’s this moment of raw exposure, like someone is looking through you rather than at you. And without a clear sense of what they’re thinking, it’s easy for your mind to fill in the blanks with fear or negativity.

    I’ll definitely check out Mikaela Ebbesson’s video — thank you for the recommendation. It's always reassuring to hear others articulate these nuanced internal experiences that are so hard to describe but feel so real.

    Thanks for putting this into words — I imagine a lot of people will see themselves in what you’ve written.

Reply

  • Absolutely — this is a really rich and relatable reflection. I think you’ve hit on a few really powerful ideas that many people on the spectrum might resonate with, especially that deep discomfort with being "perceived."

    The connection you’re making to mind blindness is particularly interesting — if you have a limited or inconsistent sense of how others might view you, it makes sense that being observed could feel threatening or even invasive. If your internal dialogue is already self-critical, then being seen might automatically feel like a confirmation of all the worst things you think about yourself. It’s like: “I can’t imagine someone thinking positively of me, so being watched must mean they’re judging me.”

    The idea of others being in your "space" or "energy field" also really strikes a chord. There’s something intensely vulnerable about being witnessed, especially when you can’t intuit what’s being witnessed. Eye contact, for example — as you said — isn’t just about looking; it’s this moment of raw exposure, like someone is looking through you rather than at you. And without a clear sense of what they’re thinking, it’s easy for your mind to fill in the blanks with fear or negativity.

    I’ll definitely check out Mikaela Ebbesson’s video — thank you for the recommendation. It's always reassuring to hear others articulate these nuanced internal experiences that are so hard to describe but feel so real.

    Thanks for putting this into words — I imagine a lot of people will see themselves in what you’ve written.

Children
  • in reply to IntruderAlarmAbatis

    I find this quite a lot on my quest for knowledge on autism, there will often be someone who can word things better than my brain is able to. I feel that autism is subjective in terms of how it is observed within oneself without any clear explanation other than what you can consciously try to learn about yourself and analysis it, compare it to others, even more so when you are late diagnosed like me. There are some amazingly smart people on these forums and I can see that in their articulation on really any subject they care to write about. It can be quite unnerving posting sometimes because of the uncertainly of feedback which perhaps relates to my original post that I am responding in now.