I am a former user, that is all. I feel I am at a difficult place personally, and I needed somewhere to get things off my chest.
I feel there is no place for me in the world, I'm not talking about suicidal ideation, but that my existence is redundant and without purpose, feeling like a spare part most of the time.
I have long entertained the notion of friendship and romantic connection, but I never had the means or the will to act on them. Being mid 30s, no friends or social circles or opportunities to make connections, unable to get into honest paying work, unable to drive and such, it would be futile.
In an ideal world I would live in my own place, have a job I enjoy that pays for a comfortable and secure life, with a partner who is kind, intelligent, strong and ambitious. Such a person could only be on the spectrum too, or had a happier, balanced and more nurturing life.
The neighbourhood I live in has a fair share of barking dogs, the Weimaraner across the street and spaniel crosses next door can bark like fecking hell when on their own, often on a Tuesday I found. I simply have to wear noise cancelling headphones or leave for several hours. One day I will move to someplace more decent. Reporting or confrontation would only exacerbate the issue.
Summer is hell, the white cloudy days are terribly bright and harsh, the heat and humidity are unpleasant, the days are long while the night, cool, quiet, a break from the world, ends all too soon.
I do a lot of self study in photography, ecology and coding in Python whilst renewing my appreciation for green spaces outside the urban sprawl and beaches where shells wash up.
As an autistic guy who has a strong sense of right and wrong too many things in the world need a strong kick in the backside, and it's frustrating to be powerless to do anything about it.
The things that maintain my sanity are Star Trek TNG, Voyager, DS9 and Enterprise, WWE, learning about Linux, listening to music and the Borderlands games.
