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De-escalation of situations

DBCD

Hi

I am trying to figure out how to de-escalate situations I've created when I cannot understand how the people are feeling.  

I've caused these situations either by lying or by ignoring how other people are feeling, or both.. The situation then escalates because I say nothing which makes it even worse because it seems like I just don't care.  My family all feel very hurt by all this.

I want to be able to resolve these situations and unlock things long before the situation is unbearable for everyone.

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on this.  

DBCD

Parents

  • There's a whole bunch of stuff that you might need to unpack here, possibly with some form of counselling.
    Communication is a two way thing - so you may want to explore/google the double empathy problem.

    These issues don't sound like yours to fix on your own.  I've spent a lot of my life thinking that everything is my fault or that I needed to try and fix everything.  However, everything is not my fault and I can't fix everything.  For sure, take responsibility, be self-aware, work on improvement.

    Another thing to look at, may be the circle of control - you can really only control how you behave, not how others like your family react.  

    So if there is a will between all parties then explore how you can communicate and understand each other better.  An open and honest conversation about trying to make things better - not apportioning blame.  Depending how bad it is, you may need to look at some form of mediation.

Reply

  • There's a whole bunch of stuff that you might need to unpack here, possibly with some form of counselling.
    Communication is a two way thing - so you may want to explore/google the double empathy problem.

    These issues don't sound like yours to fix on your own.  I've spent a lot of my life thinking that everything is my fault or that I needed to try and fix everything.  However, everything is not my fault and I can't fix everything.  For sure, take responsibility, be self-aware, work on improvement.

    Another thing to look at, may be the circle of control - you can really only control how you behave, not how others like your family react.  

    So if there is a will between all parties then explore how you can communicate and understand each other better.  An open and honest conversation about trying to make things better - not apportioning blame.  Depending how bad it is, you may need to look at some form of mediation.

Children
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