De-escalation of situations

DBCD said:

how to de-escalate situations I've created

I am a bit uncomfortable with the "I've created" part of the situation description - as things are not always as straightforward as that statement might at first glance suggest.

I feel that conflict implies that at least two people are involved. 

I am not sure it is necessarily helpful for either side of a situation to apportion or take blame for how the "thing" started.  What can be useful; is for either / both sides to admit when they realise they misunderstood or got something wrong - ideally, before it escalated too far into a "thing".

Arguments within relationships can be initiated by both sides too often using sentences which start with "you ..." instead of "I ..." when making their points of view known and responding to each other's retorts.

Considering and understanding the origin of the necessity for someone to have deployed a lie during a situation is really important. 

Lies can stem from: fear, shame, a desire to protect someone, or other motivations (such as delaying tactic; to afford the person more processing time to properly consider the information presented by the other person, or, when a person is genuinely too hungry / exhausted / overwhelmed to address the situation in that precise moment).

If the "stem" of a lie can become better understood there is an opportunity to explore a different way to address the issue (explain the historic worry context, agree time to reflect upon things in their new context, allow the depth / breadth of emotions to moderate before another conversation to work towards a consensus resolution).

What triggers one person may not be quite the same for the other person (or not to the same level).  For example, some relationship members may hail from much more "as normal for them" a louder, shouty, passionate, demonstrative family background style - compared with that of the other person's family background habits.

Sometimes conflict arises when circumstances remind adults of having had to deal with a related traumatic scenario from their childhood or youth.  The person's response (now) may echo their lack of a suitable (available to them at the time) coping and resolution strategy for that much earlier in life situation.

Keeping to a suitable response strategy and management of the "now" situation may require acknowledgement (at least, to the self) that an earlier issue's echo might be clouding judgement and fuelling emotion levels in the current conduct of addressing a situation.

By the way, when someone has experienced trauma as their much younger self: that is not their fault. 

More important; is how a (now) adult resolves to learn about, seek help with, practice new strategies in a safe environment and then conduct themselves more appropriately in their revised forward environment / situation and it's resolution.

DBCD said:

how to de-escalate situations I've created

I am a bit uncomfortable with the "I've created" part of the situation description - as things are not always as straightforward as that statement might at first glance suggest.

I feel that conflict implies that at least two people are involved. 

I am not sure it is necessarily helpful for either side of a situation to apportion or take blame for how the "thing" started.  What can be useful; is for either / both sides to admit when they realise they misunderstood or got something wrong - ideally, before it escalated too far into a "thing".

Arguments within relationships can be initiated by both sides too often using sentences which start with "you ..." instead of "I ..." when making their points of view known and responding to each other's retorts.

Considering and understanding the origin of the necessity for someone to have deployed a lie during a situation is really important. 

Lies can stem from: fear, shame, a desire to protect someone, or other motivations (such as delaying tactic; to afford the person more processing time to properly consider the information presented by the other person, or, when a person is genuinely too hungry / exhausted / overwhelmed to address the situation in that precise moment).

If the "stem" of a lie can become better understood there is an opportunity to explore a different way to address the issue (explain the historic worry context, agree time to reflect upon things in their new context, allow the depth / breadth of emotions to moderate before another conversation to work towards a consensus resolution).

What triggers one person may not be quite the same for the other person (or not to the same level).  For example, some relationship members may hail from much more "as normal for them" a louder, shouty, passionate, demonstrative family background style - compared with that of the other person's family background habits.

Sometimes conflict arises when circumstances remind adults of having had to deal with a related traumatic scenario from their childhood or youth.  The person's response (now) may echo their lack of a suitable (available to them at the time) coping and resolution strategy for that much earlier in life situation.

Keeping to a suitable response strategy and management of the "now" situation may require acknowledgement (at least, to the self) that an earlier issue's echo might be clouding judgement and fuelling emotion levels in the current conduct of addressing a situation.

By the way, when someone has experienced trauma as their much younger self: that is not their fault. 

More important; is how a (now) adult resolves to learn about, seek help with, practice new strategies in a safe environment and then conduct themselves more appropriately in their revised forward environment / situation and it's resolution.