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De-escalation of situations

DBCD

Hi

I am trying to figure out how to de-escalate situations I've created when I cannot understand how the people are feeling.  

I've caused these situations either by lying or by ignoring how other people are feeling, or both.. The situation then escalates because I say nothing which makes it even worse because it seems like I just don't care.  My family all feel very hurt by all this.

I want to be able to resolve these situations and unlock things long before the situation is unbearable for everyone.

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on this.  

DBCD

Parents
  • DBCD said:
    I've caused these situations either by lying or by ignoring how other people are feeling, or both.. The situation then escalates because I say nothing

    It is good that you realise you are at fault and understand the reasons for it.

    For a way forward I would (if I were in your shoes) write and apologise. Tell them you know what you did was wrong and now you have had time to reflect you realise that you were ignoring their feelings because you could not process it in the moment.

    I would also say that this is no excuse and you ask their forgivness.

    In essence apologise, admit and ask to be forgived.

    Also consider how you are going to avoid it happening again. Ask if you can give a sign when you are getting into the situation where you feel the need to lie or ignore their feelings. This self awareness is an important step as sometimes it can help the other person realise that it could be your autism that needs them to adapt a bit to help the interaction.

    As we have learned from press events recently about BBC Masterchef, it is unacceptable to use autism as an excuse for bad behaviour. We need to learn we are doing it, stop it, understand why we do it and get help in developing ways to be socialy acceptable.

    Society will not care if you are autistic so expecting them to accommodate you will not work. It has a very long way to go (decades at best) until we start to see more acceptance I suspect).

    So get in front of the issue and own it - you made an important step in realising and asking for help so good luck with the rest of it.

Reply
  • DBCD said:
    I've caused these situations either by lying or by ignoring how other people are feeling, or both.. The situation then escalates because I say nothing

    It is good that you realise you are at fault and understand the reasons for it.

    For a way forward I would (if I were in your shoes) write and apologise. Tell them you know what you did was wrong and now you have had time to reflect you realise that you were ignoring their feelings because you could not process it in the moment.

    I would also say that this is no excuse and you ask their forgivness.

    In essence apologise, admit and ask to be forgived.

    Also consider how you are going to avoid it happening again. Ask if you can give a sign when you are getting into the situation where you feel the need to lie or ignore their feelings. This self awareness is an important step as sometimes it can help the other person realise that it could be your autism that needs them to adapt a bit to help the interaction.

    As we have learned from press events recently about BBC Masterchef, it is unacceptable to use autism as an excuse for bad behaviour. We need to learn we are doing it, stop it, understand why we do it and get help in developing ways to be socialy acceptable.

    Society will not care if you are autistic so expecting them to accommodate you will not work. It has a very long way to go (decades at best) until we start to see more acceptance I suspect).

    So get in front of the issue and own it - you made an important step in realising and asking for help so good luck with the rest of it.

Children
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