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gender dysphoria advice for a parent

Claireelizabeth

My daughter is now 20 years old and has been binding her breasts for several years and has decided she wants to become male and has managed to get herself on a course of hormone treatment. I am trying to find advice on how to help her as I don't think what she is doing is going to ultimately help her. I can see how she has come to this decision and I have heard other autistic women talking about similar experiences but could not transition because it was not a time when this was normalised, and now they are find living as the sex they are. All the advice I can find is on how to support my daughter down this road.

I have a very good relationship with my daughter and she talks openly to me about her experiences and what she wants to do. I will support her always but I am pretty convinced she is not making the right choices. I know a lot of people will disagree with me but I can see how her desire to change sex is complex and cannot be simplified to, she was born in the wrong body. Is there any help available for parents and young people to enable them to explore this complex issue to come to a well informed decision?

  • in reply to Claireelizabeth

    I get what you mean about lack of advice, it all seems to be 'go for it' and very little encouragement for exploration

  • Having been in this position as a parent, the only advice I can give is just be supportive with any decision that your child makes. Only they know how it feels to be them, it is their life and they are adult. Try not to project your feelings and aspirations onto them.

  • My son came to us in his early teens expressing his doubts over his biological gender. Initially he thought he was none binary but later felt more atuned to a more masculine gender.It wasn't a huge surprise as he was incredibly reluctant to dress in feminine attire even as a small child.

    We were aware that in the early stages of puberty things like gender and sexuality can become a bit blurred, so we gave him time to figure it out.

    I do think some of us can have a degree of uncertainty on how we feel about our identity. It's far more complicated than simply being born in the wrong body. Speaking to a psychologist or the gender dysphoria services can be helpful.

    We were supportive and helpful guide him to the appropriate services.

  • in reply to Claireelizabeth

    I understand what you mean.

    While supporting and validating people's views are one thing, challenging those views and ensuring they are robust and not mistaken is another.

    Taking testosterone irreversibly changes the brain, as well as physical characteristics. It is a big step and something not to take lightly.

    I don't have any suggestions though. To be able to really know if it is right you have to know what the end goal will feel like, and there is no way to really know without trying. The person involved has to make that choice, but if wrong there is no way back. You can change the body but not the mind.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    thanks for that advice. I do have a few good friends I can talk to about this, but I think counselling can be helpful if you have no one to discuss this with. My main concern at the moment is that there seems to be zero advice on how to approach this subject that isn't just "confirming their gender". From all the conversations I have had with my daughter and watching her grow I can see with some clarity how she has arrived at this point, and it isn't because she was born in the wrong body. But there seems to be very little help or advice on how to approach the problem that encourages the person to question and explore why they think they are the opposite gender they really are.

  • Maybe you'd benefit from some counselling for yourself? It's a huge thing for the whole family, not just your young person, maybe you could help them more, if not only you had more information, but a place to let go of your fears and worries so as you can keep on supporting? Everyone needs an emotional vomit from time to time and off loading this onto a counsellor, letting them listen and metaphorically hold your hair out of the way could be a good thing. It would a safe space for you to be angry and negative too.

  • Hello, I wondered if this National Autistic Society webpage (and if you also expand the Advice, information and advice links - below the Personal stories) might be helpful:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/identity/autism-and-gender-identity