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Demand avoidant?

Tink

I just have a quick question for the group about demand avoidant behaviour and employment.

I am currently applying for part time jobs. I have had a couple of very positive interviews. Whilst waiting for the results however I am constantly panicking that I might actually be offered them! It occurred to me this is demand avoidant behaviour. I am panicking about the potential demands that will be made on me should I get the job. In this instance how on earth do I know if I actually want the job? Beyond just needing the money obviously.

I am finding it actually very hard to understand myself in this situation and know how I actually feel about a particular workplace, its people and the work tasks and whether I want to accept.

Has anyone else felt like this and do you have any advice?

Always grateful, Tink

Parents

  • Hello Tink. Sorry to hear about your current dilemma. I’m in my fifties, recently diagnosed. I’ve been working since the age of 16 and have walked out of every single job after becoming overwhelmed (literally just walked out without telling anyone & never returning). Your post resonated with me as my issues were all about demands and perceived mis-treatment of me. After a while I realised I was the common denominator in every situation so I focussed on changing that. I ended up getting a diploma in horticulture via distance learning and then becoming a self-employed gardener. This works for me as I’m very clear with customers at the start about what I will or won’t do and they leave me alone to get on with things. Is there anything that you could do that would give you more autonomy? I hope this helps. 

  • in reply to Cheeky_monkey

    HI Cheeky Monkey : ) Well funny you should say that as I am actually starting my own business as well. I have already retrained, also in my early 50's and recently diagnosed! The trouble is the money isn't coming in quick enough so I was just applying for an extra job 1 - 2 days a week to keep me afloat whilst the business gathers momentum! I agree, self employment is absolutely the way to go. Full autonomy and no-one telling you what to do!

    I agree with what others say as well that you perhaps really don't know until you start the job if it's going to work. Bit of a nightmare that!

  • in reply to Tink

    It worked for me. It’s not without issues as clients can still drift from what was agreed (I’m quite specific) which is usually problematic for me, however, the great thing about my job is that you can just drop a client if it’s not working out (and I do). For my line of work the work is fairly abundant so I normally just replace them with someone off the waiting list. I do have the luxury of having done this for a few years now to be in this position. I value the other comments here and I think that if you don’t try with some part time work, you’ll never know. It might turn out really well. 

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  • in reply to Tink

    It worked for me. It’s not without issues as clients can still drift from what was agreed (I’m quite specific) which is usually problematic for me, however, the great thing about my job is that you can just drop a client if it’s not working out (and I do). For my line of work the work is fairly abundant so I normally just replace them with someone off the waiting list. I do have the luxury of having done this for a few years now to be in this position. I value the other comments here and I think that if you don’t try with some part time work, you’ll never know. It might turn out really well. 

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