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Who wrote the social rule book?

Autismman

There’s a lot about autism or the definition of it that I just struggle to agree with. In order to judge something you must compare it to something else, that something else you may hold at a more absolute standard or shall I say society does. So the bigger picture is that the most highly educated people on the planet, the scientists, the doctors, the psychiatrists have all come together to agree on what is considered “normal” social behaviour. They have applied these rules and expectations to the rest of us. I write this because in reports namely mine it says “struggles to maintain and keep relationships” in order to struggle you must first seek them out which I do not so the applied logic here is that there is something missing within myself but the reality is it is just my personal choice, you do what feels right for you at the end of the day. Do neurotypical individuals ideally want to be popular or at the very least have a room full of friends? I think I have a strong aversion to other peoples expectations of me and what I “should” being doing. Isn’t it just that humanity has found a model that for the most part works and is going with it blindly. Perhaps my diagnosis is exactly why I struggle to understand these things, I have to question the workings of things too, if I don’t agree or understand them well they may as well be myths)

(Just a dump of what was on my mind, thanks for reading)

Parents

  • I would suggest it's not the most highly educated people that set out social norms, it's the most powerful and influential. Originally it would have been the tribal chiefs, later it was royalty and religious leaders, then politicians and now "celebrities" too. As others have said, it's also a species survival thing as it strengthens NT relationships and gives them security.

    We are all taught the rules of our society as children, and NTs take this on board with ease. We learn that not behaving in the expected way may lead to being rejected or bullied, so we learn to mask. Most people just see us acting the same way as others and don't know we're masking. Those of us who cannot mask are seen as an exception, which is irrelevant to many people because majority rules.

    We are often the "geeks" of society, thinking about stuff that others don't (as I've discussed in my thread about obsessions). But some of the geeks of the world created the technology, computers and internet that the NTs use daily to socialise and make their lives more comfortable and enjoyable. Dr Temple Grandin believes that there wouldn't have been all the technological advances we have without autistic people, and she also claims that the majority of people working in silicon valley are on the spectrum - maybe they have their own society with their own rules.

  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    I would suggest it's not the most highly educated people that set out social norms, it's the most powerful and influential

    I would consider who is powerful and influential - to me the social norms are pushed by the groups we find ourselves in - the bunch at work, the group we study with, the people in our interest groups and - of course - our families.

    There is a lot of pressure to "fit in" and assimilate into the culture to the point it can be hard to simply stay quiet - not doing what others do is seen as deviance or weakness and should be crushed out of you.

    That was certainly my experience growing up and in the first few decades of work until I grew confident enough to stand up to it, but that coincided with my movement to management and that meant the group I now had to deal with were the misfits who actually want to be in control of others and get off on the power play.

    That led to a whole new level of problems.

    I really don't see authority figures and celebrities having that much influence - they are more there to entertain us or give vague direction and it is those in contact with us all the time who are the unwitting force for this "be one of us" approach.

Reply
  • in reply to Lotus
    Lotus said:
    I would suggest it's not the most highly educated people that set out social norms, it's the most powerful and influential

    I would consider who is powerful and influential - to me the social norms are pushed by the groups we find ourselves in - the bunch at work, the group we study with, the people in our interest groups and - of course - our families.

    There is a lot of pressure to "fit in" and assimilate into the culture to the point it can be hard to simply stay quiet - not doing what others do is seen as deviance or weakness and should be crushed out of you.

    That was certainly my experience growing up and in the first few decades of work until I grew confident enough to stand up to it, but that coincided with my movement to management and that meant the group I now had to deal with were the misfits who actually want to be in control of others and get off on the power play.

    That led to a whole new level of problems.

    I really don't see authority figures and celebrities having that much influence - they are more there to entertain us or give vague direction and it is those in contact with us all the time who are the unwitting force for this "be one of us" approach.

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