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Eye contact

Autismman

I don’t mind giving eye contact to those I know well like my family but it can be difficult or almost impossible when it’s strangers in a non scripted environment like perhaps people outside in the general public. Not that I would need to stare for prolonged amounts of time but I know there should be some almost unconscious natural interaction between people  even with just the eyes in their everyday lives. I also struggle to do this with a lot of my work colleagues predominantly managers but also a few colleagues, it seems selective to whether I have a firm enough grasp on who I think they are at their core and the general feeling or vibe I get from their being. If I find their topic of conversation boring or they don’t want to stop talking the eye contact becomes even less I have noticed. I am super aware of how little eye contact I give which in turn makes my anxiety worse because then I think everyone must think I’m weird, I just cannot connect to people very easily. The eyes are the windows to the soul and it definitely feels this way for me. Giving someone your eyes is like opening up a door to let others into your world and it’s a scary idea. Do others experience anything like this? I am diagnosed with ASD level 1 but trying to get an understanding of it so that maybe I can stop being so hard on myself. I am trying to remember to remember that a lot of autism is invisible and only felt inside oneself.

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  • Autismman said:
    Giving someone your eyes is like opening up a door to let others into your world and it’s a scary idea.

    I found it really helpful to use some logic to dispell the superstitions you talk about. 

    The eyes are just organs designed to receive light and transform it into electrical signals which go to the brain. They are not capable of anything supernatural like seeing into someones soul otherwise I would see the soul of others when I look at them. Simple.

    Treat them like when you look at someones ears or lips - just another set of organs.

    I find timing how long I can spend looking at a part of anyone to be useful too - 3 seconds max if I need to look at someones eyes (eg important meeting, asking my partner what their day was like etc).

    The one exception is when I have to be the responsible adult in a situation where someone is potentially being untruthful and it is my responsibility to assess their duplicity. Then a much longer stare is justified but I use masking / scripting to do this.

    These are just me experiences and thoughts - make of them what you will.

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  • Autismman said:
    Giving someone your eyes is like opening up a door to let others into your world and it’s a scary idea.

    I found it really helpful to use some logic to dispell the superstitions you talk about. 

    The eyes are just organs designed to receive light and transform it into electrical signals which go to the brain. They are not capable of anything supernatural like seeing into someones soul otherwise I would see the soul of others when I look at them. Simple.

    Treat them like when you look at someones ears or lips - just another set of organs.

    I find timing how long I can spend looking at a part of anyone to be useful too - 3 seconds max if I need to look at someones eyes (eg important meeting, asking my partner what their day was like etc).

    The one exception is when I have to be the responsible adult in a situation where someone is potentially being untruthful and it is my responsibility to assess their duplicity. Then a much longer stare is justified but I use masking / scripting to do this.

    These are just me experiences and thoughts - make of them what you will.

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