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Eye contact

Autismman

I don’t mind giving eye contact to those I know well like my family but it can be difficult or almost impossible when it’s strangers in a non scripted environment like perhaps people outside in the general public. Not that I would need to stare for prolonged amounts of time but I know there should be some almost unconscious natural interaction between people  even with just the eyes in their everyday lives. I also struggle to do this with a lot of my work colleagues predominantly managers but also a few colleagues, it seems selective to whether I have a firm enough grasp on who I think they are at their core and the general feeling or vibe I get from their being. If I find their topic of conversation boring or they don’t want to stop talking the eye contact becomes even less I have noticed. I am super aware of how little eye contact I give which in turn makes my anxiety worse because then I think everyone must think I’m weird, I just cannot connect to people very easily. The eyes are the windows to the soul and it definitely feels this way for me. Giving someone your eyes is like opening up a door to let others into your world and it’s a scary idea. Do others experience anything like this? I am diagnosed with ASD level 1 but trying to get an understanding of it so that maybe I can stop being so hard on myself. I am trying to remember to remember that a lot of autism is invisible and only felt inside oneself.

Parents

  • When I was up younger, e.g. in my teens and 20s,  I would not hold eye contact and looked down.

    I asked my psychologist recently and I don't think they thought I am currently that unusual. However, once I started to think about it and observe myself, I now don't know what I do naturally.

    I can stare animals down. I have done it to dogs and even a cat once, which was hard. You need to not blink and just stare. Which I can do for long periods. Doing it to people though is not a good idea though.

    I can also do the thousand yard stare thing. Although this seems to be reducing since I've had diagnosis.

  • in reply to Stuart333
    Stuart333 said:
    I can stare animals down. I have done it to dogs and even a cat once, which was hard. You need to not blink and just stare. Which I can do for long periods. Doing it to people though is not a good idea though.

    Doing it to animals isn't a good idea, either, for your own safety:

    American Kennel Club - Why You Shouldn’t Stare Down a Dog

    "If they feel overstimulated, these pets might react by trying to end the uncomfortable interaction and getting you to move away. This might manifest as a change in body language, barking, lunging, snapping, or even biting."

  • in reply to Bunny

    Eye contact is interesting.

    Prey animals usually have eyes on the sides of their heads to give good all round vision, e.g. sheep, horses, cows, small birds. When they look at oech other or other non-predators, they see one eye.

    Predators usually have eyes of the front of their heads for better vision and depth perception, at the cost of limited field of view. Cats, dogs, birds of prey.

    Prey animals are uneasy when they see something with 2 eyes looking at them, they may move away or freeze. If you look sideways at farm animals they are more happy.

    Small birds will freeze till the see you look away.

    Predators see it as a dominance thing. They may move away, submit or become aggressive if they think they should be dominant.

    The animal whisperers I have seen are careful with eye contact, body posture and verbal tone.

    Among apes, including humans, it is more complicated and facial expressions are also important.

    Staring is rude and aggressive, looking down is submissive, looking away is disinterested. But note that excessive eye contact is as awkward as not enough.

    Body language obviously plays a big part along with eye contact.

    For humans, I read we have the whites of our eyes visible so that it is easy to tell where someone is looking. It is suggested that because we are social creatures this is important in order to be able to organise into groups, as individually we are weak. This is why unusual eye contact is problematic as it is a hardwired instinct type thing.

    It seems to make sense, but I don't know for sure how true all this stuff is.

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  • in reply to Bunny

    Eye contact is interesting.

    Prey animals usually have eyes on the sides of their heads to give good all round vision, e.g. sheep, horses, cows, small birds. When they look at oech other or other non-predators, they see one eye.

    Predators usually have eyes of the front of their heads for better vision and depth perception, at the cost of limited field of view. Cats, dogs, birds of prey.

    Prey animals are uneasy when they see something with 2 eyes looking at them, they may move away or freeze. If you look sideways at farm animals they are more happy.

    Small birds will freeze till the see you look away.

    Predators see it as a dominance thing. They may move away, submit or become aggressive if they think they should be dominant.

    The animal whisperers I have seen are careful with eye contact, body posture and verbal tone.

    Among apes, including humans, it is more complicated and facial expressions are also important.

    Staring is rude and aggressive, looking down is submissive, looking away is disinterested. But note that excessive eye contact is as awkward as not enough.

    Body language obviously plays a big part along with eye contact.

    For humans, I read we have the whites of our eyes visible so that it is easy to tell where someone is looking. It is suggested that because we are social creatures this is important in order to be able to organise into groups, as individually we are weak. This is why unusual eye contact is problematic as it is a hardwired instinct type thing.

    It seems to make sense, but I don't know for sure how true all this stuff is.

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