• Replies 15 replies
  • Subscribers 90 subscribers
  • Views 978 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Does anybody here feel like they actually understand what it means to be autistic?

Oran G. Utan

I was diagnosed a little over 20 years ago. I've spent pretty much my whole life trying to figure out what being autistic actually means. I still can't really define it even for my own sake. I talked a little to an American autistic person today. It was a bizarre experience, because they seemed to really understand their own condition. For me, autism has always been treated like an utter enigma even to professionals. I believe I am autistic, and I've been formally diagnosed. But I couldn't begin to explain what that means, or how it affects my life. I just know that I don't cope with stress well at all, and prefer living in a bubble to having varied life experiences.

I was asked what kind of autist I was, as if that's something I could possibly know. I feel like I've been living in a fog, and am only now learning that it might not be because autism is inherently vague and mysterious, but because I was never properly educated on what my own condition is. I'm realising that at 32 years of age, I don't understand the first thing about myself. And that maybe that's not the universal experience for autists that I thought it was.

Parents

  • I had 50 years of being undiagnosed and whilst being diagnosed has helped somethings fall into place and has allowed me to know there are somethings I will probably never "get", I can't think of what being autistic means really either. Yes, I can list symptoms and stuff, but I don't always feel them, I can only be me and I'm the same me as I was before diagnosis, just a bit older and hopefully wiser.

    I think some people identify more with being autistic than others and make into a big part of who they feel they are, it's OK not to feel that way, just try and be as authentically you as you can be and maybe read up on ND a bit more. I think autism is an enigma to a lot of professionals, they like things that fall into neat boxes with solutions attached to them, ASC isn't like that, we're all different, but they can't seem to cope with that, they seem to feel powerless in the face of something so big and diverse.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Do you think maybe we'll never 'get' everything because we don't have anything to compare our experience to. I personally can understand and relate to most of these posts but for the life of me i cannot relate myself to someone neurotypical. It must be because i have never lived their life and i can only imagine what i have already experienced. I don't know if anyone else relates to this (i'm sure most do), and it's not due to a lack of empathy but i cannot put myself in someone else's shoes. When someone asks me to pretty much predict the future, i can't even begin to imagine. It's similar to the way we can't imagine a new colour we haven't seen before. I think i know very well what is involved in being autistic but i can't separate out the things that are considered normal from the things that are not. The more i reflect on my life and the struggles i've had that have held me behind in my age group - the more i try and tryyyy to imagine what it would be like to not struggle. Are their minds silent? Do they have full control over what they think and every sound they make? Do they go blank and forget how to think? Honestly what does it even mean to take things literally because LITERALLY it would be to take it. Like to pick it up and take it no? And i know that is not what they mean. But then taking a SENTENCE literally... is it being gullible? Has it been taken literally if you action the sentence? Can a neurotypical explain - do they actually EXIST. They must do because honestly how are you ticking the stereotypical boxes of life by the stereotypical deadline (leave school - uni - career around 25ish - married and kids in your 30s and so on) and sleeping and eating and being happy. And then complaining about things like the dishwasher being the bain of your life. And thats it. Your only concern is your dishwasher salt levels. Not every constant sensory input, your past present and future regrets, 5 different conversations that could've gone better and oh my goodness i ran out of mini weetabix therefore i have NOTHING TO EAT?

Reply
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Do you think maybe we'll never 'get' everything because we don't have anything to compare our experience to. I personally can understand and relate to most of these posts but for the life of me i cannot relate myself to someone neurotypical. It must be because i have never lived their life and i can only imagine what i have already experienced. I don't know if anyone else relates to this (i'm sure most do), and it's not due to a lack of empathy but i cannot put myself in someone else's shoes. When someone asks me to pretty much predict the future, i can't even begin to imagine. It's similar to the way we can't imagine a new colour we haven't seen before. I think i know very well what is involved in being autistic but i can't separate out the things that are considered normal from the things that are not. The more i reflect on my life and the struggles i've had that have held me behind in my age group - the more i try and tryyyy to imagine what it would be like to not struggle. Are their minds silent? Do they have full control over what they think and every sound they make? Do they go blank and forget how to think? Honestly what does it even mean to take things literally because LITERALLY it would be to take it. Like to pick it up and take it no? And i know that is not what they mean. But then taking a SENTENCE literally... is it being gullible? Has it been taken literally if you action the sentence? Can a neurotypical explain - do they actually EXIST. They must do because honestly how are you ticking the stereotypical boxes of life by the stereotypical deadline (leave school - uni - career around 25ish - married and kids in your 30s and so on) and sleeping and eating and being happy. And then complaining about things like the dishwasher being the bain of your life. And thats it. Your only concern is your dishwasher salt levels. Not every constant sensory input, your past present and future regrets, 5 different conversations that could've gone better and oh my goodness i ran out of mini weetabix therefore i have NOTHING TO EAT?

Children
  • in reply to dizzydes
    dizzydes said:
    And then complaining about things like the dishwasher being the bain of your life. And thats it. Your only concern is your dishwasher salt levels. Not every constant sensory input, your past present and future regrets, 5 different conversations that could've gone better and oh my goodness i ran out of mini weetabix therefore i have NOTHING TO EAT?

    I'm assuming you mean only "5 different conversations" at any one time, rather than you can only think of 5 that need fixing. Wink I have a savant-like memory for every conversation I've ever cocked up, which is an impressive achievement, if I may type so myself.

    (Right now, I can hear my fridge compressor three rooms away and someone down the road is using a battery-operated screwdriver. It's putting me off my train of thought.)

    BUT, I will not have anything bad said about dishwashers! They are the greatest invention since the wheel! I live in a soft-water area, so I don't have to worry about salt levels, but I am a bit of a martyr to the old rinse aid.

    I think your post has captured life for a lot (most?) of us very well. A permanent state of intense levels of confusion, incredulity, misjudgement, anxiety, overthinking and fear.