I was diagnosed a little over 20 years ago. I've spent pretty much my whole life trying to figure out what being autistic actually means. I still can't really define it even for my own sake. I talked a little to an American autistic person today. It was a bizarre experience, because they seemed to really understand their own condition. For me, autism has always been treated like an utter enigma even to professionals. I believe I am autistic, and I've been formally diagnosed. But I couldn't begin to explain what that means, or how it affects my life. I just know that I don't cope with stress well at all, and prefer living in a bubble to having varied life experiences.
I was asked what kind of autist I was, as if that's something I could possibly know. I feel like I've been living in a fog, and am only now learning that it might not be because autism is inherently vague and mysterious, but because I was never properly educated on what my own condition is. I'm realising that at 32 years of age, I don't understand the first thing about myself. And that maybe that's not the universal experience for autists that I thought it was.
