Does anybody here feel like they actually understand what it means to be autistic?

I was diagnosed a little over 20 years ago. I've spent pretty much my whole life trying to figure out what being autistic actually means. I still can't really define it even for my own sake. I talked a little to an American autistic person today. It was a bizarre experience, because they seemed to really understand their own condition. For me, autism has always been treated like an utter enigma even to professionals. I believe I am autistic, and I've been formally diagnosed. But I couldn't begin to explain what that means, or how it affects my life. I just know that I don't cope with stress well at all, and prefer living in a bubble to having varied life experiences.

I was asked what kind of autist I was, as if that's something I could possibly know. I feel like I've been living in a fog, and am only now learning that it might not be because autism is inherently vague and mysterious, but because I was never properly educated on what my own condition is. I'm realising that at 32 years of age, I don't understand the first thing about myself. And that maybe that's not the universal experience for autists that I thought it was.

Parents
  • I also cant cope with stress. I’m not diagnosed, only suspected. My teachers suspected me being autistic in my childhood, but my mom never accepted that.
    For me it’s being profoundly different. To not be able to just get “infected” by other people’s emotions. To not be able to understand that someone is lying or joking, i need someone to explain that to me. To struggle read any subtle non verbal cues. To feel like a child lost in a fog. When I’m alone with my aliens and space- I’m fine. When I’m with people- I’m like a child despite being 37. 
    It’s also poor interoception, struggling to recognize why I feel weak (thirst, hunger for example), constantly getting hurt accidentally. It’s also living in my own inner world that has a wide range of tastes and colors and I love it. It compensates me struggles that I have from outside 

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  • I also cant cope with stress. I’m not diagnosed, only suspected. My teachers suspected me being autistic in my childhood, but my mom never accepted that.
    For me it’s being profoundly different. To not be able to just get “infected” by other people’s emotions. To not be able to understand that someone is lying or joking, i need someone to explain that to me. To struggle read any subtle non verbal cues. To feel like a child lost in a fog. When I’m alone with my aliens and space- I’m fine. When I’m with people- I’m like a child despite being 37. 
    It’s also poor interoception, struggling to recognize why I feel weak (thirst, hunger for example), constantly getting hurt accidentally. It’s also living in my own inner world that has a wide range of tastes and colors and I love it. It compensates me struggles that I have from outside 

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