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I just felt I needed a out let

NAS81473

As I sit in my over heated flat with my baby asleep crying I really do feel alone. When the father says your not alone you've got the baby.... I can't have a adult conversation with him I can't just leave and go off. I have to stay put while he leaves as we don't live together to go home where he lives with his mother. 

I don't feel the same I feel funny about everything every thing makes me cry I am still suffering trauma from hospital from the staff not the birth 1 member staff then I spiraled I was under simulated and high on codeine general anesthetic morphine and didn't follow my autism plan or trauma plan. The mental health don't want to seem to address nor address the Postal depression. All I get is forget about it and don't have to deal with them. Or I look well so nothing is wrong.

It's not his fault the baby. I having finding hard to feel something for him. So I try say things I like about him his feet, his soft hair sensory to run on chin and he was a nice nose and hes a escape artist because his arms always out his sleep suit.

  • Hello  

    I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. Thank you for sharing this with the Community. If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

    Please do reach out if you feel that you need further support.

    All the best,

    Chloe Mod 

  • in reply to NAS81473

    It's not surprising you feel so rough if you're recovering from a c-section, abdominal surgery takes a good few weeks to recover from and anaesthetics do weird things to your head, give you a strange kind of brain fog. Maybe think about swimming and stuff like that when you're more recovered from surgery.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I said about him swimming with him or just floating said no coz some reason can't remember I am still recovering from c section also so up and down and pulling with costume doesn't appeal at mo. He goes for a walking with him on evening 

    He's normally not a cryee but jabs and being hot also. He doesn't cry unless has to me makes a certain nose for a feed puckering his lips and winks when poops and 1 squark for a wee he quiet good n that respect. So he make life easier 

    And a good long sleep but wakes with a Grin.

  • Stupid man, doesn't he have a brain in his head? I suggest that next time he has a day off you go out and leave him with the baby all day and see how he gets on.

    Don't forget things like mumsnet either.

    It might be worth talking to your health visitor, there might be mother and baby groups you could go to and meet other Mums.

    I do feel for you, being stuck at home with a crying baby is horrible, I used to get told I had nothing to complain about because I was at home all day. I think you need time to be an adult and get out of the house, could you do something like go to a book group, a swimming group? There are lots of mum and baby swimming groups too. 

  • in reply to Stuart333

    No friends only a neighbour 

    Family is toxic I don't speak to them abusive also.my nans grands are past along with my dad I will not every speak to the.person who birthed me she is worst alcoholic brain damage self inflicted. I have 1 suitable brother and sister that's is I don't mind being alone with the baby it's just all I wanted was a bath

    His family his brother but he has a bad dog that like biting.

  • I am relieved that you thought of us here as an out let for sharing what a difficult experience you are dealing with at the moment - as I wouldn't want you to feel alone right now.

    A couple of years ago, I worked with a woman who struggled with things when her new baby was young.  She too described how difficult it can be to access suitable support - until that is - she contacted the PANDAS Foundation:

    https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

    What she really appreciated was that you didn't always need to cave a phone conversation with them - there are a few different options of how to engage with PANDAS to explain what is difficult and to explore ways of improving how to deal with things.

    You can also download a free PANDAS neurodivergent resource:

    https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/neurodivergent-resource/

    There is also a download to help people talk with healthcare professionals about what is going on for them as new parents - "Our ‘I need help’’ download is a resource to help you have a conversation about the way you are feeling – mentally, physically, and emotionally – with your GP, health visitor, midwife, social worker or another healthcare professional providing you with support.".  (It is based upon the services offered in mainland England).

    Our department at work were appreciative of how the organisation was able to support our colleague - such that; we made PANDAS the focus of our charitable fundraising activities during a couple of years.

    I know how important our colleague found their contact with PANDAS - I hope that organisation might prove to be a source of good guidance and support for you and your family too.

    I felt that you wrote so beautifully about your son - I believe he is fortunate to have a mother who notices all those qualities / attributes and the unique nature of his evolving character too.

    Also, hoping you will continue to find some adult conversations helpful and friendly within our community here too.  With best wishes.

  • Having a baby is difficult and you need support. Do you have anyone else who can visit you, friends or family? Don't be afraid to ask for help.

    The feelings you are describing do not seem unreasonable and are quite normal. It is a vulnerable and stressful time for you. I am not surprised you feel alone.

    I don't know what to suggest though.