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Communication in relationships

Remigirl

Hi, I am anxiously waiting an assessment and have been for a few months now. 

Recently I feel as though my feelings, thoughts & emotions on a day to day have become more difficult to manage. It is affecting me daily and especially is affecting my relationship.
I want to be able to explain why and how I am feeling a certain way or had a reaction to a trigger or situation but it seems to be becoming more difficult to do so and I feel as though my partner doesn't understand this and it is becoming draining trying to explain ( they have described it as me going round in circles). I feel totally misunderstood and I end up either exploding through frustration which is not normally me or just completely withdrawing - thus being after trying to explain and getting upset and annoyed that I am not being heard or feel understood.

My partner is aware of my referral. However, when I bring up things that may be affecting my neurodivergence, it isn't always received well or I'm told 'everyone feels that sometimes'

I want to feel like I can communicate properly and be understood but I'm at a loss at the minute and it's really affecting my mental health.

Does anyone have any tips on managing my relationship alongside feeling overwhelmed myself?

  • My assesment process was the same for me too, just maybe try and engage in your favourite hobbies, it was exactly the same experience for me. I got through it by learning all about black holes and Hawkin radiation, learning about something you enjoy could help. Its hard but worth it for your own validation. I can live with my self so much easier, so will you soon 

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    As a personal recommendation, you might find this book helpful. It focuses on helping couples in which one partner is autistic to improve their relationships through better mutual understanding and communication, complete with exercises that you can both complete and discuss, if you wish:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now simply diagnosed as autism / Autism Spectrum Disorder).

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the couple around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can be confusing, and I kept needing to check and remind myself "which person is autistic this time?". It's not the only such book to have been written in this way, and I found it very annoying - but I still felt that the benefits from it were very worthwhile.

    You might also like to consider couples counselling, led by a neurodivergence-experienced counsellor.

    You (and perhaps your partner) might also find these resources helpful:

    NAS - What can I do while waiting for an autism assessment?

    NAS - Family relationships - a guide for partners of autistic people

  • Going round in circles is a feature when you are worried about something. It is because you can't resolve it.

    I have been driving a couple of other people mad over the last few months.

    It is linked to stress I think. The assessment is a big deal.

    I don't have a good answer. Maybe write stuff down so you can talk in a more ordered way and get your thoughts straight. Maybe you can then check if you talked about it already.  It didn't work for me, but I can't think of anything else.