I feel as if everyone is way ahead of me. And so spontaneous in conversation. I want to have lots to say, things to express, but I don’t know how to unless I adjust myself to what I think is required of the conversation, and consider my delivery. I won’t bring things up unless the discussion leads in that direction.
I’m really disappointed in myself. I struggle with consistent keeping in touch with people, because I have to amp myself up and prepare beforehand, and to an extent I’m masking. I want to be able to share a story of my life and the things happening in it, but it feels like preparing to perform on a stage. And recently I’ve had a mental shutdown and not been working as much, and I’m running out of things to say, or the sustenance for long conversation, unless the other party is leading that conversation and I’m digging in with the questions.
in the creative world, people are so spontaneous with their conversations (how do people do it??), and i feel I may have used to be, but now especially i feel stuck and rigid in conversation, and my biggest fear is feeling like a brick wall - especially when I don’t have an understanding of adult life like NTs, and even NDs around me.